Category: Corporate Crimes

After Giving Aunt Jemima The Boot, PepsiCo Has Revealed Its New Syrup And Pancake Mix Logo

February 10, 2021 / Posted by:

It’s finally happened! Thanks to corporate America, racism is dead! I don’t even know what to do with myself right now, I never thought I’d see it happen in my lifetime. With a small assist from the NFL who did their part by hiding the words “end racism” on the back of Tom Brady’s helmet, PepsiCo has leveled the final blow by relieving Aunt Jemima from her duties as the name and face of their pancake syrup and replaced her with a 19th-century watermill named Pearl Milling Company, effectively ending centuries of racial strife. Free at last, free at last! I guess now we just sit back and wait for our reparations checks to arrive. I wonder if they’ll just add that to our stimulus checks or if it will come as a separate payment. Guess we’ll find out soon enough!

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George Clooney Responded To A Report That Some Nespresso Suppliers Use Child Labor

February 27, 2020 / Posted by:

George Clooney is sad to hear that your morning cup of Nespresso is probably being served with a heaping teaspoon of child labor. George has been Nespresso’s brand ambassador since 2006, and it seems they’re the only ones who get him to shave and leave the castle to work these days. According to CNN, George, who reportedly uses his Nespresso money to spy on dictators, sent out a statement in response to an investigation which exposes child labor practices on several Guatemalan farms where some Nespresso coffee beans are sourced. Channel 4 will air an episode of the documentary series Dispatches titled “Starbucks & Nespresso: The Truth About Your Coffee,” on Monday. George says he was “surprised and saddened” to hear that some of Nespresso’s espressos might be tainted with the aroma of exploitation.

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