ChinGate: The Saga Continues

It’s been raining chins and ginges for the past week, and it’s not going to let up. Every time I blink my eyes, another late-night rumor fucks me in the eye. So I’ve been stock piling my colon with Conan and Leno bits to serve to you at one sitting (just wipe them off with one of El Pollo Loco wet naps you keep in your desk drawer for this very occasion).

First up is Jimmy Kimmel giving it to Jay Leno without lube last night (clip above). During Jay Leno’s 10@10 segment on his show, Jimmy bent Jay over, held on to his chin and rammed him over and over again. Jimmy didn’t even spit on his hand and rub first. For those of you on Team Coco (not to be confused with Team CoCo), this was so beautiful that your eye ducts actually filled with authentic tears for the first time in history. Kind of like the time I cried while reading a hate e-mail that said I was a “dumb fucking faggot bitch whore who sucks homeless dick for butt dildo money.” It was touchingly beautiful, but then it got me wondering. Would would I need to buy a butt dildo if I had a homeless dick at my disposal? And why would I think a homeless dude had any money? Oh, now I see. That’s where the “dumb” part comes in. I’ve seen the light. Moving on…

TMZ says that Jay has officially taken candy out of a ginge baby’s hand and will host The Tonight Show again since Conan has pretty much quit. But another source tells THR that this is lies, and Jay’s chin has not signed on the dotted line just yet.

The Daily Beast claims that the peacock has put a wad of cash in Conan’s garter belt and now he’s free to shake his shit at a different network. According to a source, NBC is buying Conan out and also allowing him to take his act to a different network before his contract expires.

And finally, if you’re in the market for a barely used late-night talk show, this is the Craigslist ad for you.

There you go. We’re all bloated and full now, so I’ll race you to the toilet.

Is Jay Leno Going To Follow Conan Out The Door?

In an open letter released yesterday, Conan O’Brien told NBC to fuck a chin in the politest way possible. TMZ says that this triggered NBC to run off to Jay Leno to begin negotiations for him to take over as the host of The Tonight Show again. But a source tells Popeater that Jay has dropped to his knees, put his hand over his forehead and declared that he’s disgusted by the way NBC is treating him and Conan. Jay is about to jump on Conan’s back so the two can ride out of NBC together.

Put on your dunce caps and read what this source had to say, “Now that Conan has made it clear he is leaving the troubled network, Jay is considering doing the same. They have put Jay in a terrible position. It looks like he is the reason that Conan is now without a job. Jay is a great guy and it’s not fair that due to NBC’s stupidity he looks like the bad guy. Plus, what happens when Jay does return to the 11:35 slot if his audience doesn’t immediately follow? How can he possibly trust the same network that canceled Conan after only seven months?”

Does this mean there’s a good chance there will be a Law & Order: Night Court Edition starring Marsha Warfield. No, there isn’t a good chance, because this source is full of spuds. There’s no way Jay is going to leave NBC. Hell, he’s probably holding the box of baby wipes as NBC removes the ginge spot from their peacock.

And while we’re on the subject, here’s a performance artist’s dramatic interpretation of NBC’s current state.

In case you don’t have an eye for art, the performance artist represents NBC and the ice cream cup represents NBC’s ass.

Video via Videogum (Say that three times)

Conan O’Brien Refuses To Move

If NBC wants Conan O’Brien out of the 11:35pm slot, they are going to have to move him out with a giant bulldozer (aka Jay Leno’s head). In a statement released today, Conan said he refuses to contribute to the slow death of The Tonight Show by agreeing to host it at 12:05am. Conan doesn’t think the show will survive if NBC moves it to tomorrow.

Basically, it sounds like Conan is waiting for NBC to admit that they would rather give oral to Jay’s chin than give a ginge a chance.

Conan’s letter is after the jump. The ginge had me at “People of the Earth.” JUMP!

“People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan”

Look At These Fancy Fancy Gays

Marc Jacobs and his husband Lorenzo Martone are here to wish you a Happy Holigay from the fancy island of fanciness known as St. Barts. Could these two get any fancier? My ass uses a Rite-Aid plastic bag to carry my beach necessities and this ho is using a $5,000+ Birkin bag! I’d have to pass a credit check to even touch that bag! And here’s Marc casually dragging it around the beach like it’s the canvas tote bag you get for free when purchasing an Estee Lauder perfume gift set at Macy’s.

I feel like I should lift my pinky when looking at these pictures. They are probably wearing matching canary diamond cock rings. I’m jealous.