Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

This A list male designer thinks things are different this time around and that his latest barely out of teens male model really loves the designer and not the $25K a month allowance that the designer is paying him each month. Plus the apartment rent. (CDAN)

Calvin Klein?

So if you’re a barely legal twink who’s thinking of going to nursing school, because one day you want to get a job at a retirement home where you’ll wipe up diarrhea crust off of old, wrinkly asses and spoon feed mushed rutabaga into the mouths of pepaws, hold off! While you still have the face of a virgin fetus, move to NYC and bat your eyes at Calvin Klein so he’ll hire you as his kept bitch. You’ll still feel professionally fulfilled since you’ll spend most of your days wiping diarrhea crust off of an old, wrinkly ass and spoon feeding mushed rutabaga into CK’s plastic mouth, but, bitch, you’ll be making $25k a month!

They were both still married when they started secretly seeing each other in 2013.

Since then, they have each separated from their spouses. Those breakups were widely reported in the press.

The spotlight on their personal lives apparently isn’t stopping them from moving forward with their own relationship! In fact, we have two stunning developments to report.

The first: They are moving in together! Yes, already. His house.

Why the rush? That’s the second stunning development: She is three and a half months pregnant with his baby!

Wait until her husband finds out!

BONUS CLUE! The song “Summertime” contains two clues about the expectant parents. (Blind Gossip)

I was going to guess Chris Martin and Miranda Kerr, but this blind item was posted on March 31st and not April 1st. Besides, the clue from the song “Summertime” is probably the lyric “You’re daddy’s rich and your mama’s good-looking.” If the lyric was, “You’re dad’s a cunt and your mama’s good-looking,” then I’d guess this was about Chris Martin and Miranda Kerr. So I’ll guess Miranda Kerr and that Australian billionaire she’s supposedly rubbing her kewpie doll parts on.

This foreign born former A list mostly movie actress who still has A+list name recognition had another meltdown when her A list mostly movie actor husband met up with his girlfriend who is about 40 years younger than him. The actor thought that he had an understanding with his wife about it. Apparently not. (CDAN)

CJZ? And I hope after her meltdown over Michael Douglas’ supposed side trick, she sat on the bed and expressed her feelings by busting out her “malfunctioning animatronic figure” performance of Send in the Clowns.

There’s more than meets the eye to this actor’s sudden and unexpected sobriety. He never had a reputation as a partier, and when he recently announced he’d given up drinking, questions arose. Why did he quit? The inside story is that our seemingly straight leading man was in the habit of getting liquored up and cruising Craigslist for twinky young guys. One of these playful hustlers caused a loud incident in which police were almost called. He paid the kid to keep quiet and that close call is the reason he stopped drinking. (Janet Charlton)

B. Coop. Exhibit: A?

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

This B list mostly television actor who always talks about his family values and doesn’t take roles that compromise his values was at a strip club in Tijuana this weekend. I wonder what his wife thinks about that. (CDAN)

I don’t think the tip of Kirk Cameron’s fingers have even come close to touching the bottom of the B-list, but if there’s a God and that God is annoyed by Kirk Cameron’s sanctimonious shit as much as we are, this blind item is about him. And please let our eyes be gifted with a picture of the most annoying Cameron (which is saying a lot, see: Candace Cameron and Cameron Diaz) sitting all by his lonesome in the middle of a Tijuana strip club with nothing but a Subway sandwich on his lap. But you know, he probably wasn’t at a Tijuana strip club. He was at a Tijuana donkey show. Kirk was only there because he thought a “Tijuana donkey show” is a show where they recreate birth of Baby Jesus in the manger.

While hanging out with his baby mama and his harem, this A list everything guy managed to find time to have sex with a pap. Our A lister said he just wanted to do his part for good relations. (CDAN)

Simon Cowell? And I’m guessing the pap did it, because after years of taking pictures of the furry mincemeat pies on his chest, she could no longer resist the urge to drown her face in them.

This Actress wants you to think that she is down to earth, but she is not.

She was at JFK International Airport, waiting for an flight from New York to London, when she had a meltdown over the boarding procedure. She was at the front of the line, but the airline was boarding people with special needs and people with small children first.

Our Actress began yelling at the ticket attendant. This isn’t an exact quote, but pretty close: “But you should have let ME board first! I’m in first class! I need to be let on the airplane first! I can’t board with the rest of these people! It’s too chaotic with small children and people in wheelchairs! I have a first class ticket! Do you understand what that means? That means that I get everything FIRST! I eat first, I drink first, and I board first! That’s what first class means!” (Blind Gossip)

Goopy Paltrow doesn’t want you to think she walks the same earth as you, so I’ll go with America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence?

This male celebrity screwed up and his celebrity wife kicked him to the curb. He has made public statements about wanting her back and claims that he is doing everything possible to be a good and faithful husband.

Ha! Not even close!

Cheater has a secret girlfriend! Let’s talk about her.

She is a college student, which makes her a lot younger than Cheater. Tall girl with long, blonde hair. College Girl is attending school in the United States but is originally from another country. She is not famous.

The couple was set up by a mutual Friend. He has the same profession as Cheater, but is not quite as famous as him. Friend is from the same country as College Girl.

Cheater and College Girl have been quietly and carefully dating for several months now. He is rich, so he flies her out to stay with him wherever he goes.

So the next time you hear Cheater talking so sincerely about how hard he is working to get his wife back… know that he is shedding those crocodile tears right before hopping back into bed with his girlfriend, College Girl! (Blind Gossip)

Robin Thicke. Period. The end. Goodnight.

I was doing some research on a film from back in the day that has come up a few times in the past week. It has come up because the star of the film has some other projects she is plugging now and a lot of the old stories about the movie are resurfacing. There will be a blind about that movie next week. while doing the research though, I saw one of my favorites in the cast list and clicked on her name to see what she is up to now. When I clicked, I had to blink a couple of times because I thought to myself that couldn’t be right. She would never do that. It turns out she would. She is an actress who has literally been around forever, but never looks old. She is considered a mostly television actress and had a nice long run on a hit cable television show that ended not that long ago. She is known though for something much more important in history. I consider her to be the first “it girl.” The first time that term may have been used. That is a big honor. Anyway, she has a secret that she only shared with a few people who got drunk with her back in the day in the club that will never be duplicated. She says she had sex with one of the most infamous people in history. She had so many details that no one left an encounter with her doubting her story. As far as I know she has not mentioned it to anyone in decades and my source from that club who was there every night and is still friends with her today says she never mentions it. She is afraid of the damage it might cause her career now. So, that is what makes what she is doing now, so damn interesting.(CDAN)

The club is obviously Studio 54, but when I Google “the first it girl” I get Clara Bow and unless Clara Bow is a vampire and has been around this entire time, this isn’t about her. I’ve got nothing and usually when I’ve got nothing, I guess Betty White. So I’ll go with Betty White and John Gotti? Solved it!

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

Despite all the booze and coke and pot and pills and late nights and every other form of destructive behavior you can think of, this A+ list entertainer(singer) is pregnant. That could possibly explain why she has decided to pretend she is domestic for now. (CDAN)

RiRi? If this is made of truthiness and RiRi spawned with Wheelchair Jimmy, that baby is going to be a giant forehead and its eyes are going to be where its ears are supposed to be. So basically it’s going to look like a beluga whale with legs.

He recently had to pause on work obligations citing health reasons. But this superstar didn’t seem all that sick. That’s because the health reasons were related to his wife. She’s been keeping a surprisingly low profile the last few months. Which is unusual because, well, the wife is rather pap-friendly. The immediate speculation was pregnancy and bump-hiding. But there was no bump when she showed up at a major event so it definitely wasn’t pregnancy.

Apparently there’s a painkiller addiction going on. And that’s the reason he couldn’t make it that time. She had an episode and it was serious enough that he had to bail on work and help her out. Not a side of him we see very often – you know, putting her before him. Something she must have enjoyed, though probably for the wrong reasons. Still, she seems to be getting off on his attention. And that’s worrying for those around her too. She’s addicted to the pills and also addicted to his care. (Lainey Gossip)

Coming soon, the Lifetime original movie Addicted To His Care: The Jessica Biel And Justin Timberlake Story starring an overcooked spaghetti noodle that’s been left out on the kitchen counter as Jessica Biel and that teacher from Glee as Justin Timberlake.

Since this famous young performer is frequently in the headlines about both her personal and her professional life, you probably think that you know everything about her.

You don’t.

She wants to be seen as this sexy girl that drives men wild. She still gets lots of publicity thanks to that one very famous boyfriend (who is also in the entertainment industry), and the fact that he intensely and publicly desired her is all she wants you to know about her love life.

Are you ready for the truth?

Half of her intimate encounters… are with women! She is not just experimenting. She is definitely bisexual. And she really should stop sleeping with her female employees, because those girls love to talk! (Blind Gossip)

Selena Gomez? And this is your cue to ask, “Eh, didn’t we already know she was into girls since she was dating Justin Bieber and shit?”

This actor is smart and funny and has been in a couple of the biggest movies of all time. He is not married and finds it easy to pick up women.

This actor is B list. Mostly movies although he has dabbled with some television. His is the face that women love and combine that with the movie roles he has played and women melt. They love the guy. His wife loved him too. She didn’t know at first because he was good at hiding it. At some point in that marriage he gave up though and decided he wanted to be more free. No more marriage. He is giving her everything she wants. He is on a roll with guys right now. After so many years of hiding he is filming in a town right now and in front of the public he still flirts and pretends to love women but he has been going through almost the entire population of gay men in town. (CDAN)

The thought cloud above my head was filled with a picture of Ryan Gosling until I got to the word “wife.” I have no clue, but if anybody figures this out and knows what town he’s filming in, let me know, so I can drag my ass there, become an official citizen and then get in line.

Connie Britton Might’ve Been The Mystery Celebrity Who Didn’t Want Her Baby To Wear Diapers

While talking to E! News at the ABC TCAs a few days ago, Connie Britton turned that shit into an episode of Before They Were Stars when she said that Scandal’s Katie Lowes, who was also there, used to be her son’s nanny. After Connie said that, people (including Brandon who sent this in to me) who watched Katie on Jimmy Kimmel Live a few months ago suddenly got the image of Katie holding Connie’s baby over the toilet while making shit chanting grunts to lure the caca out of his butt. It’s a living, I guess. Katie told Jimmy that before she got the job on Scandal, she had a bunch of shitty jobs, but the shittiest job (punned on purpose) she ever had was working as a babysitter for a crazy-brained celebrity who didn’t like her baby wearing diapers. It wasn’t a medical thing. Katie said that cloth diapers were around for emergencies or whatever (Side note: If I was that nanny, it would be ALWAYS be an emergency), but she mostly had to rely on the baby letting her know that it was toilet time by making the face you make every time you watch an episode Keeping Up With The Kartrashians.

At the 1:15 mark below, Katie shits out the story and since she signed her name in blood on a non-disclosure agreement she wouldn’t give up the name of crazy bitch who won’t let her baby’s ass be imprisoned by Pampers.

I know a check is a check and I’ve done grosser and more painful things for less money (see: working as a telemarketer for about 6 hours), but damn. I’ll never know how Katie’s shit-summoning grunts didn’t turn into laughs. She should’ve just put on a Justin Bieber song, turned her head and held her breath. That baby’s butt wouldn’t have stopped barfing. Connie (whose ginger hair I just want to roll around on) might’ve outed herself as a member of The Anti-Diaper League, but I’m still not sure. I don’t know if Connie is the “hold my baby over the toilet and make him shit like a bird” type. Yeah, I’m going to go with Alicia Silverstone. Eat like a bird, shit like a bird.

Here’s Connie and her kid Eyob at LAX a couple of days ago.

Pics: Splash

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

What Real Housewives husband thinks he is getting away with his current affair. He thinks the woman is wrapped around his finger. She has photos and cell phone video and his perfect world is about to come crashing down. This is a huge one. Tabloid covers for weeks. (CDAN)

Teresa Giudice and Juicy Joe from The Real Grifters of New Jersey? I wouldn’t call “probably going to spend a long time making government grilled cheese on a prison cell radiator” as living in a perfect world, but I’ll still guess these two pieces of down river trash. And as his world comes crashing down so will my eyesight, because I know I won’t be able to help myself if the pictures of his greasy orange chimp dick leak.

It’s supposed to a happy day. Especially for a woman. Her weddingday recently was not a happy day. Unfortunately, she made it miserable, for herself and for everyone involved. And you make people miserable on a day that’s about celebration, you can’t really expect them not to talk sh-t about you, right?

She was raging all day. She was pissy about the flowers, she was pissy about the photos. She was so pissed she threatened to fire the florists and the photographers on the spot while they were shooting her in her wedding gown. It was the same with the wedding planner. Soon as she woke up that day, wedding day, she went nuclear on the wedding planner and started rearranging everything by herself. All her vendors were berated, the wedding planner was sobbing. Nothing was right that day. Not even her dress. She only wore it for an hour and then changed.

If you can’t help but be a hideous person on the day that’s supposed to be filled with love and joy… what does every other day look like? Is it too late to reconsider? (Lainey Gossip)

Recently married: Kelly Clarkson, Christina Ricci, Topanga from Boy Meets World, Rose McGowan and Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell and Kelly Clarkson eloped and as much as I’d like to think that Rose used some of her best Jawbreaker lines to curse out bitches at her wedding, I’m going to guess this is Christina Ricci? Or Lainey wrote this blind from the future and she’s talking about Kanye.

This pretty actress already has a couple of children by a couple of different celebrities.

She is almost done with having children. Almost. She has now decided that she wants to have a third child… but not with Daddy 1 or Daddy 2!

That’s right. She has already set her sights on Daddy 3! He is also famous. No big surprise there. They have been quietly seeing each other for a few months now. Daddy 2 (with whom she is in a committed relationship) has no idea. (Blind Gossip)

“Almost” = Almost Famous = Kate Hudson? Since she only procreates with rock stars, I’ll guess the sperm her ovaries have their eyes on belongs to……. Chris Martin? Expose this, Vanity Fair!

This former A++ list politician visited a film set in NYC and spent 45 minutes in a trailer with his main squeeze actress friend. Well, not main squeeze. I mean the guy is married. No one even bat an eye that the two were spending time alone in her trailer. It was the second time he has visited the set but the first time the trailer was rocking. (CDAN)

Bill Clinton and Gina Gershon? Or Bill Clinton and pretty much every actress who shot a movie in NYC recently?

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

Two unfaithful wives. The First Wife is still trying to figure out if she wants to be one. She and her husband have been through a lot the last few years, on both sides. It was before the trouble though when she had an affair with a colleague — still above the line, but with a smaller spotlight, both compared to First Wife and his own wife who’s just as famous too, and should be just as acclaimed. The affair was intense, so intense that First Wife wanted to end her marriage and he was going to end his marriage but then her husband needed her in crisis. So she helped him recover, and as soon as he healed, she fell apart. By the time she got it together, her moment with her lover had passed. He happily reconnected with his own wife (though she has no idea) while First Wife is struggling with what would have been.

As for the Second Wife – everyone’s been speculating about her infidelity recently but they might be focusing on the wrong target. The right target isn’t a billionaire but he’s a pretty successful player too, albeit on a smaller screen. Their involvement led to an award for her, and a divorce for him. She was attracted to him because “he’s the hot geeky type like her husband”. Both insist that they never moved past suggestive texting and heavy flirting and never ended up consummating their attraction. Bullshit. There was at least one night and that’s why she’s so freaked out about the takedown that’s been coming to her. She’d be happy if they stayed on the current scene they’re on so long as she doesn’t get busted for this one.

PS. Everyone mentioned here is a major celebrity. (Lainey Gossip)

The First Wife is Catherine Zeta-Jones? Around the time that Michael Douglas lied to us all when he said that he had throat cancer (he really had tongue cancer), CZJ was directed in a movie by Bart Freundlich. Bart Freundlich is married to Julianne Moore. CZJ boning on Bart Freundlich is kind of hard to believe. If you even think about cheating on ginger goddess Julianne Moore, your peen will fall to the ground, slither to a storm drain and find its way to HELL. CZJ’s snatch probably knew that Michael Douglas was going to lie about having throat cancer and put the blame on it, so it got revenge by getting on another dick.

The second wife is Goopy Paltrow? Exhibit: A. The only major award that Goopy has won since marrying Chris Martin is the Emmy she got for Glee. I don’t think of any those hos on Glee are married, so I’m guessing this blind is talking about a producer whose name isn’t Ryan Murphy.

Expose her, Vanity Fair! But try to expose her before December 25th so Christmas can come early!

At some point I think people should just get divorced rather than to resort to what this married B list celebrity/reality show host puts female guests through. If you are a stripper or escort or just a pick up he is hiding from his A+ list celebrity wife you have to sign a five page confidentiality agreement that is in Spanish and English and is in BOLD print and to sign it before you ever get a chance to meet with the celebrity. Their photo is also taken signing the agreement and stapled to it. He could just have sex with his wife too I suppose. (CDAN)

Mario Lopez’s wife isn’t even hanging on to the Z list, so I’ll guess Nick Cannon?

It is hard to believe that this former A list tweener was once this naive but for almost a year she had no idea her boyfriend was also sleeping with a guy. A much older guy. So there was our tweener about to have a procedure to take care of her pregnancy and her boyfriend who got her pregnant was having sex with an old man. Must have been one heck of a Thanksgiving at her house. (CDAN)

Miley and Justin Gaston? Or Ashlee Simpson, Ryan Cabrera and Papa Joe? And now I need to go and pour Clorox in my eye sockets until the images drown out.