Hot Slut Of The Day!
Hairless Mario!
The New York Times continued to do groundbreaking work and delivered brand new thoughts when they declared that being skinny and hot is in. Someone there just saw Call Me By Your Name, because they welcomed us to the age of the twink! If only The New York Times would’ve declared it the age of the twink in the 90s. It would’ve been my time. But now I’m less of a twink and more of a smashed Ho Ho lying in the gutter that’s been nibbled at by rats.
But if you’re thinking that the age of the twink is laughable bullshit, don’t. It is very real. Case in point: Hairless Mario. He’s just a few Master Cleanses away from going full twink.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Kyran Ashford, the Tarmac Dancer of Greater Rochester International Airport!
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Mochi Rickert, the owner of Guinness World Records’ longest dog tongue!
Over seven years ago, I paid tribute to Puggy the Pekingese, a ball of fluff whose 4.5 inch tongue won her a Guinness World Record. I don’t know if Puggy’s award-winning tongue is currently leaving massive drops of drool on the ground on earth or in heaven, but I do know that her record was snatched by the mega hung tongue attached to the mouth of a St. Bernard from South Dakota named Mochi. (But in Puggy’s defense, Mochi’s turds are probably bigger than her.)
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Taco Bell’s latest abomination that will truly give you a case of explosive diarrhea!
If one of your dreams is to wrap your mouth around something that looks like a blended-up abortion on top of a freshly creampied prolapsed anus, then please pick up the phone, dial 911 and turn yourself in since you’re obviously a sick fuck with brains cut from the same cloth as Jeffrey Dahmer’s. But as the police are shuffling you off to prison for life, ask the paddy wagon driver to stop at a Taco Bell in Santa Ana, CA so that you can fulfill your fantasy of wrapping your mouth around something that looks like a blended-up abortion on top of a freshly creampied prolapsed anus.
Hot Sluts Of The Day!
McDonald’s McSalad Shakers!
Mark this day in Hot Slut of the Day history when a food thing that was actually sprouted out of the ground gets the HSOTD treatment. Although, this is McDonald’s we’re talking about, so their lettuce is probably lab-grown edible plastic, the tomatoes are tomato-flavored corn syrup gel cubes, the carrots are orange salt slivers and the dressing is laced with ranch-flavored crack so you’ll keep wanting more and more.
Back in the days of the early aughts, McDonald’s tried to make salad, the Coldplay of food (read: boring), FUN! So they put lettuce, carrots, tomato cubes, croutons, cheese and other shit in a Starbuck’s Frapp cup. If you used your eyeballs to read the words in that picture above, then you already know that the three types of McSalad Shakers they offered up were garden, chef and grilled chicken Caesar. You’d pour the dressing into the cup, close it up and shake, shake, shake to healthiness!
McSalad Shakers came out in 2000. And in 2003, they were erased from the menu and replaced with the boringly-named Premium Salads.
I’m lazy and also someone who likes every inch of my lettuce to be covered with blue cheese dressing, so I’ve been known to put my salad into a giant Ziploc bag, toss in the insides of half a bottle of dressing and shake. So it’s times like those when I miss McSalad Shakers. McDonald’s really marketed them wrong. Not only was a McSalad Shaker a healthy appetizer before your entree (a Big Mac and a 10 piece Chicken McNugget), dessert appetizer (apple pie) and entree dessert (hot fudge sundae), but it was an exercise and sex act tool. It caused you to burn calories AND it worked out your best handjobbin’ hand. McSalad shakers were a triple threat and were really gone before their time….
Pic: McDonald’s
Hot Sluts Of The Day!
Bandito and Luigi, the real life Milo & Otis!
I don’t know why this keeps happening to all of us, but it’s Monday again and before our already-bruised and battered brains get punched with more shitty news and dragged through a gutter full of smegma, let’s feed it a tiny nugget of adorableness in the form of this story about an adventure starring a pug, a pussy and two hot pieces. Bandito the Pug and Luigi the Puss became Instagram stars after their humans, Sebastian and his partner Finn, created their own page and posted pictures of the 497-mile long journey they took through Spain.