The New York Times Tried To Find Out “Who Is Sam Asghari, Britney Spears’s Boyfriend?”
Other than being Britney Spears’s boyfriend, who is Sam Asghari you ask? Well, according to a recent New York Times profile titled “Who Is Sam Asgari, Britney Spears’ Boyfriend?” he’s “More Than Mr. Britney Spears,” which, considering they aren’t even married yet, isn’t saying much. The NYT also calls him “a nascent actor and erstwhile personal trainer,” which is uncommonly rude considering he’s going to need his publicist and “creative director,” both of whom accompanied him on the interview, to Google what “nascent” and “erstwhile” mean. But they also call Sam “highly polite, handsome and friendly,” which makes him sound like a lovable lapdog. But does a lap dog need a publicist and a creative director? Well, bitch, Britney’s does!
Britney and Sam met in 2016 while filming her music video for Slumber Party with Sam “in the role of contemplative observer as she crawls down a banquet table to lap up what appears to be spilled milk.” Since that time, Britney’s been released from the conservatorship she was under for the past 13 years and Sam has been cast in a Mel Gibson movie. According to The New York Times, Sam “declined to acknowledge, by name or even oblique reference,” any mention of Britney as a condition for giving the interview. So what else was there left to talk about other than his muscles? Not a whole helluva a lot.
On a Friday in October, Mr. Asghari arrived at a predetermined location in downtown Los Angeles for a photo shoot and hourlong interview, and was joined by his publicist, Brandon Cohen (reticent; black T-shirt; frequently holding phone to ear), and his creative director, who goes by Maxi (garrulous; pink plaid suit; frequently everywhere).
In advance, Mr. Asghari had agreed to teach his interviewer some of the action stunt work he has been working to master. This would provide a natural foray into a discussion of his career goals (action stardom).
The stunts never happened because there was no video component for the interview, a fact that rocked Brandon and Maxi to their very core. And it’s clear from this interview that Brandon and Maxi are a thousand times more dynamic and interesting than Sam himself.
In conversation, Mr. Asghari — who moved to California from Iran at age 12 to live with his father, who had emigrated seven years earlier — was pleasant. He was loath to express dissatisfaction of any kind, about anything, or to acknowledge any familiarity whatsoever with that state.
Asked what aspect of everyday life he initially found hardest to adjust to after leaving his mother and sisters in Tehran as an adolescent, to travel to a foreign country whose language he did not speak, to live with a father he had not seen since age 4, Mr. Asghari replied: “To be honest with you, it wasn’t hard for me at all. It was easy for me.”
Asked to identify the worst job he ever had, Mr. Asghari, who said his pre-acting work included a stint at Best Buy and rolling sushi for quinceañeras, said each job was as enjoyable as the last because, “I find happiness in every job.”
Asked to rank his work endeavors in order of priority, Mr. Asghari explained that he prioritizes everything in life equally, even when stepping back from it, as he has done with his career in personal training. Asked which of his three older sisters he is closest to, Mr. Asghari said, “I’m closest to all of them.”
Although his social media posts often depict him in hot pursuit of physical fitness, Mr. Asghari described personal training as his “waiter job” — that is, a job an aspiring actor holds until he can support himself with acting.
Meanwhile, my boys Brandon and Maxi are out here serving comedy, drama and absolute chaos.
If Mr. Asghari is the heart of the Sam Asghari business, Maxi and Mr. Cohen are the palpitations. Maxi interrupted Mr. Asghari’s interview to compliment how it was going; to grab a bagel he had left behind; to suggest answers to various questions to Mr. Asghari, some of which Mr. Asghari disagreed with; to eat the bagel; to announce 15 minutes into the interview that there were 10 minutes left (there were 45 minutes left); to request that Mr. Asghari change back into a pair of jeans he had asked him to change out of; to express gratitude for all that the interview was revealing to him about Mr. Asghari; to declare, while painting gentle curves of green emollient onto Mr. Asghari’s face, “He doesn’t need makeup”; to advise that the article that would result from the interview be titled “Starring in the Mel Gibson Movie” (Mr. Asghari is currently filming a movie with Mr. Gibson); to stand before Mr. Asghari and, while Mr. Asghari was in the middle of a sentence, dab at his lips with a Baby Phat Pink Rose Gold Glitter Hydrogel under-eye mask; to jump in with quick comments, and then say “delete delete delete.”
Hey, when your goal is to become the next Mel Gibson, you better have your own personal “delete delete delete” man!
Brandon and Maxi!!! You had one job to do. DELETE DELETE DELETE!
Pic: Instagram