The Rock Explains Why He Doesn’t Have A Six Pack
Image description: Former wrestler-turned-extremely rich movie star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, wearing only grey shorts and a modesty penis towel, body absolutely bulging to the limits of human skin elasticity with extra-beefy muscles. But to some people, all they see on The Rock’s body is an absence of a six-pack. Embarrassing! The Rock recently explained why he doesn’t have the stereotypical washboard stomach you might expect him to. And all those body-haters can take a seat because The Rock says it’s all because of some necessary surgeries.
The Rock and his Jungle Cruise co-star Emily Blunt sat down with WIRED magazine for one of their Autocomplete Interviews, wherein The Rock and Emily would answer questions about themselves that people have Googled. One such question read: “What’s wrong with The Rock’s abs.” Rude! Nothing’s wrong with them, they look like an old cobblestone street from Tuscany, and that’s better than most people are working with (mine looks like if that same street held a Guinness World Record-breaking pizza dough-making contest). The Rock answered:
“That’s so fucked up! There’s nothing wrong with them. Here’s the thing – I think because on Instagram, all these Instagram fitness models have these incredible six, eight, twelve, twenty-four pack stomachs. I’ve got a five-and-a-half pack, sometimes a four-and-a-half pack. But the problem was, which a lot of people don’t know, I tore – in a wrestling match – I tore the top of my quad off my pelvis. And what that did, that caused a chain reaction, and it tore my abdomen wall. So then I had to do a triple hernia emergency surgery, of a tear, a tear, and a tear. So they’re not perfect abs.”
The Rock’s abs are real, and they’re fabulous! And also, maybe people have gotten so used to phony Instagram filtered abs or abs that might have been crafted using high-density silicone in a surgeon’s office, and seeing real stomachs with visible imperfections is too weird and jarring to some eyes. Plus, those people are asking the wrong questions. They should be focusing on what’s inside his stomach. His torso is 98% muscle, so where does his actual stomach organ live? We know he eats 1.9 million pounds of food a day, so where does the food go? Is it stored in a thigh? Is it magic? It’s magic, I’m sure of it. Maybe he’ll answer that one next time.
Pic: Instagram