Today in wet pussy news, here’s a video of a little grey cat having one helluva sneezing attack and serving their best impression of an excited squirrel. Try to contain your rage when the human filming fails to follow up with a “gesundheit” or “bless you.” Some people, I swear to God…
This kitty sneezes a total of 35 times in just 14 seconds. According to the calculator on my iPhone, that’s 2.5 sneezes per second! Someone alert the Guinness Book of World Records, because this pussy may have just made history.
The real question is WHY? Is this cat one of the unfortunate few who has COVID? If so, give them a mask! Or are they one of the 100 million Americans with feline allergies? What a tragedy, to be allergic to yourself.
Unfortunately, we may never know the truth, because, despite extensive internet research (a five minute Google search of “cat sneeze” with the results sorted by date), there’s no more information on this mysterious record-breaker. Are they a boy? A girl? Does gender even play into this? How old are they? Where do they live? Do they like cuddles? How do they feel about belly rubs? Wet or dry food? WET OR DRY FOOD?!
I do know one thing; this cat’s squeaky little sneezes are infinitely less annoying than my mother’s. Somehow she manages to make every single one of her (very real) sneezes sound fake. The noise is equal parts grating and performative. Each sneeze is followed by one of us screaming “Oh, nice! NICE! Anything for attention, eh, Nancy?!” The poor woman.