Hot Slut Of The Day!

Zimes, the pussy whose face is in a permanent state of WAZZUP?!

Zimes, which sounds like Grimes’ reboot of Zima, is a furry dollop of adorable who has shown Miley Cyrus how to stick your tongue out without looking like a germ-filled landing pad for flies. But his origin story can be found in the file marked: SADS! Zimes is constantly making the same gag face my Grindr trick makes when I get naked with the lights still on (WRONG MOVE!) and it’s because of a dog attack when he was a kitten. But the last laugh belongs to Zimes, because his stuck tongue has gotten him some internet love.

I was actually planning on making another pussy with a stuck tongue the HSOTD today, but while doing research like a serious journalist, I found Zimes. Zimes’ human, Margot Tamar Riemer, who is from Israel, tells Metro UK that his life started out as a horror movie. An animal rescuer got a call about how an evil sack of shit released his pitbulls on stray cats for fun. Many cats were killed, and other cats, like Zimes, survived the attacks but ended up injured.

“She went there and said it was a massacre, there were cats dead with missing limbs, many injured and many did not make it as well. My Zimes was one of them. When I think about this story, it makes me cry because I cannot understand how someone can be so cruel. It is pure evil to do something like this.”

Margot doesn’t know if the throbbing Satanic hemorrhoid was ever caught and brought to justice. Does anyone know if Michael Vick was in Israel recently? But if that evil doer was not caught, he’ll spend the afterlife getting a Swedish massage on a bed of rusty nails in the Ninth Circle, which is the opposite of what Margot is experiencing since she’s experiencing pure heaven with Zimes.

Zimes lost his lower jaw in the dog attack, which is why his tongue constantly hangs out. But besides that, he’s okay and doesn’t need reconstructive surgery since he’s not in pain.

Margot has cystic fibrosis, and because of this, she says she feels like she has an extra special bond with Zimes since he’s obviously been through some shit:

“In my experience, the animals who were the most neglected, sickest, the ones with special needs and nobody wants, feel it,’ she says. ‘And when you open up your heart to them, they will love you and be forever grateful. They give you pure love.’ She adds these animals accept you for who you are, and they don’t mind if you are sick, blind, deaf or missing limbs. She wants to pay them back with the same kind of unconditional love. ‘I was depressed before I got Zimes,’ says Margot. ‘But he became a light of hope for me, and I know adopting and rescuing an animal like him can give a person so much. When you rescue animals, it is not only for them, it also fills your soul with joy and love.”

Margot has set up a Facebook page for Zimes, which is a temporary cure for the sads, and has a million pics and videos on there. Here’s a few:

Zimes is exactly what we need during these dark times. Imagine having that “just ate some Sour Patch Kids” face look at you and turn your always-frowning soul into a smiling soul? Although, I kind of make the same face when I get drunk and stoned, so I’d look at Zimes like, “Are you making fun of me?” I know, as if I look 1/1000th that adorable when I’m drunk and stoned.

Pic: Facebook