Bill Cosby Loves Prison

February 13, 2019 / Posted by:

Bill Cosby is having the time of his fucking life in prison. He’s been there about 4 months and was recently released into/onto the general population. According to his spokesperson, Bill’s right where he wants to be, standing in the shadows, nay eclipsing the shadows, of the greatest civil rights warriors known to mankind (or womankind, wait no, just mankind). Vulture reports that Bill is having “an amazing experience” and compares himself to the likes of Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, and Malcolm X. He’s also been playing doctor with the his fellow inmates and offering diagnoses based on his experiences of acting out the role of an OB/GYN on TV. He’s probably also hanging out near the shitter catching corn-filled commissary turds left and right yelling “It’s a boy!“.

It sounds like Bill’s in the honeymoon phase of his incarceration. He’s got a captive audience of men, many of whom probably share his views on the injustices black men face at the hands of the criminal justice system. Plus they loved him on The Rashad Show and are going to have some great stories to sell when they get out about how Bill Cosby tried to give them a pap smear using his own toothbrush. According to Vulture:

Wyatt said Cosby has befriended prison staff and that many inmates applaud when he enters the visitor’s room. Otherwise, Cosby eats, sleeps, and exercises alone. He wakes up early and observes a special dietary plan that avoids sweets and bread. He’s also reportedly lost weight and has stopped drinking coffee.

Don’t lose too much weight there, Bill. You’re not Bobby Sands remember, you’re William X. Apparently, “Cosby also seems to think of himself as a political prisoner“.

“He said they told him if he was going to continue to fight for civil rights, something like this was bound to happen, and he’s been preparing for it and he knows he’s in prison not for rape, but for infidelity. He’s knows he’s innocent and kept his head up.”

Don’t forget, infidelity is what they sent Nelson Mandela to prison for too (and if you don’t know that, you’ve been reading The Man’s history books). The only visitors William X has received are his attorneys, and that’s just what he wants. Not even Camille has visited him there, though he does talk to her on the phone 3-times a day “for a total of about nine minutes”. She’s probably performing phone sex for him by pretending to snore.

Well, I for one, am glad that 4-months in prison have been peachy for William X.  Hopefully his hero’s welcome will buoy him for the next 3-10 years, or longer. He’s still facing a lawsuit filed by Janice Dickinson after he accused her of lying when she accused him of drugging and raping her in 1982. There’s also another active lawsuit against him in which 6 women have accused him of rape. Sadly, one of those women has since died, but the case may be able to move forward all the same because she signed a statement prior to her death.

Prison’s always a blast the first year. Let William X get ripped at the prison gym, convert to Islam, get a correspondence degree in Civil Rights Law, and learn several recipes for toilet Jell-O. I can’t wait to see how he’s doing a year from now, when his fellow inmates have heard all his jokes and the guards stop asking for autographs.

Pic: Wenn.com

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