Gwyneth Paltrow Can’t Stop Claiming That She Invented Yoga

January 7, 2019 / Posted by:

This is the face Gwyneth Paltrow makes when you ask her about yoga.

Vulture is reporting that Our Saint of Overpriced Vaginal Eggs is telling one of her favorite anecdotes again, this time to the Financial Times. You’ve heard the story before and she’s been telling it again more recently to the Wall Street Journal, but she’s here to make it very clear: Gwyneth Paltrow, wealthy caucasian actress who was born in 1972, invented yoga. Sure those Hindus and Buddhists were moving their bodies around and humming to themselves and calling it yoga, but no one really knew how to really do yoga until Gwyneth let the peasants of the world know it exists. Thank you Gwyneth. I’m sure all those monks in the monasteries have shrines to you for spreading the good word.

I’ll let Gwyneth tell you the story since she does it so well and seems to love telling it so much since she’s done it more than once, which I contend would have been one too many times:

“I had this funny experience the other day where I went to a yoga studio in LA and the beautiful 22-year-old girl behind the counter was like, ‘Have you ever done yoga before?’ And I was like: ‘Bitch, you have this job because I’ve done yoga before.'”

Oh Gwyneth! Drag her! Drag that hot 20-something for asking you about your past with yoga so she could maybe suggest a potential class for you to take! What a burn! Tell that girl who’s just trying to do her job to kindly fuck all the way off! Okurrrr?

I don’t know what world Gwyneth lives in (nor do I want to), but this is not a cute story. She comes off looking like a pretentious bitch and that’s hard to do when everyone already thinks that you’re THE pretentious bitch. Like how did you get more pretentious? Is no one safe from Gwyneth’s judgement?! Wooh chile, hopefully no one asks her about who invented menopause: they will get an earful.

“And the girl behind the counter was like, ‘Have you had a hot flash before?’ And I was like: ‘Bitch, I had the FIRST hot flash. You will only one day have a hot flash BECAUSE of me.”


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