Gwyneth Paltrow Is Making Menopause Chic

November 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Gwyneth Paltrow is back to show you how you are just not living up to your true potential. This time Gwyneth and co. are taking on their next big nemesis: Menopause.

People reports that Gwyneth is on a mission to “rebrand” menopause for women. 46-year-old Goopy revealed that she is in perimenopause, a period which begins several years before menopause when a woman’s ovaries are starting to make less and less estrogen. Surprisingly, Gwyneth doesn’t say that using a super power combination of cooch steaming and a vagina egg will cause women to produce estrogen again, but she is selling something. 

Gwynopause (you know she trademarked that) spoke in a video for her potentially fraudulent product shiller, Goop, where she talked about her changing body:

Gwyneth says that she’s dealt with her changing body the old-fashioned way: working out harder:

“I have tweaked my approach to fitness, for example, to bring in more weight-lifting to build bone density, and I continue to eat as healthy as possible—whole foods, lots of green vegetables, clean sources of protein—particularly at lunch… Everyone needs some off-the-leash time at night… While I wasn’t overly focused on my hormones in my thirties… I do a panel every six months now to ensure that everything is aligned.”

Gwyneth is also sure to mention that she is really something special in terms of menopausal women and just cannot be compared to others, even her own mother, Blythe Danner:

“I remember when my mother went through menopause and it was like such a big deal and there was grief around it for her and all of these emotions… I think menopause gets a really bad rap and needs a bit of a rebranding… I don’t think we have in our society a great example of an aspirational menopausal woman.”

“An aspirational menopausal woman.” Jesus… is anything this woman does not spectacular?

Goop is doing their part to help women “reimagine” how to approach “the change”, namely by launching a product to sell which may or may not get them sued at some point in the near future. Dr. Dominique Fradin-Read formulated the Madame Ovary supplements which are “designed to give additional benefits to women in the many stages of their hormonal change.” Here’s Goop’s breakdown:

“Made up of a mix of essential vitamins, herbs, phytonutrients and adaptogens, the supplement regime combats things like hot flashes, mood swings and stress-related fatigue.”

They’re $90 each. Or only $75 if you subscribe. And guys, you know who loves these super expensive supplements? You’ll never guess… Did you guess? Did you guess Gwyneth herself? You should’ve! She says:

“Beyond the baseline support that it provides, I particularly love the Madame Ovary regimen for its support in balancing my mood… I feel like I have fewer days now when I feel cranky or emotional for no apparent reason. And when I’m even, a packed schedule is infinitely more manageable.”

Emotional for no reason? Yes, it’s probably because of perimenopause, but also from Apple not using an eco-friendly coaster blessed by a shaman when she put her glass of organic orange juice whose pulp was hand-removed by virgin nuns down onto Gwyneth’s $75,000 rare sequoia wood 32-person dining table which she just had prayed over by a white witch.


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