Here’s The Full Coachella 2018 Line-Up

January 3, 2018 / Posted by:

I hope you cleaned up in your office Coachella line-up pool. Whoever had their money on The Death Of Rock and Roll (the concept, not the band) is buying lunch all week! As anticipated, the headliners for the three day event are The Weeknd, Beyoncé and Eminem. For the first time ever, no Rock and Roll acts are headlining. Sorry Bono, I guess all those girly rockers just aren’t butch enough to make the cut.

Here’s the lineup:

In case you’re like me and limit your squinting energy to removing witch-hairs from your chin in the bathroom mirror, here are some notable subsequent bananas who will also be performing this year (via Consequence of Sound):

Among the other noteworthy acts playing: David Byrne, A Perfect Circle, St. Vincent, Vince Staples, SZA, Cardi B, HAIM, Fleet Foxes, Jamiroquai, Migos, Tyler the Creator, The War on Drugs, alt-J, Chromeo, Miguel, King Krule, Portugal. the Man, Chic featuring Nile Rodgers, and Brockhampton.

Also playing but not really are The Amazing Race War, The Unbidden Whip’emouts, Sundowning Prez, The Collutionists, The 25th Amendment, Little Button/Big Button, Pootin’, Marvin Tha Molester and The We’re All Gonna Dies.

One person (other than Bono) is particularly disturbed by the lack of rocking and rolling type music on the lineup this year. One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson wants to know where are all the fucking bands!

This naturally prompted the entire world to scream WE WANT 1D! Ok, if not the entire world, a number of 1D fans. Other fans of bands were looking for something a little more colorful.

Which all just goes to prove you can’t please everyone. I for one am looking forward to seeing how they deal with all the weed vendors since it’s legal in California now. Hard to believe that all those years and nobody’s ever smoked a joint at Coachella (with the exception of cancer and glaucoma sufferers, of course!). I hope they give Jamiroquai a 4:20 time slot!


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