SOS! “Overboard” Looks Like A Disaster

December 22, 2017 / Posted by:

The gender-reversed Overboard remake that nobody asked for now has a trailer. And after the cut is how I imagine the conversation at the studio went down when discussing this cinematic bowel movement.

Studio Exec 1: What’s a great movie that everybody loves? I’d like to try to ruin it for them.

Studio Exec 2: Hmmm, I have heard my wife say that Overboard is one of her favorites. I’ve never seen it myself. It’s got Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and they were in their prime.

SE1: Ok, ok, we can work with this. Who can we afford?

SE2: Not much boss, not much. Anna Faris maybe? And she’s blonde too!

SE1: Wonderful, wonderful. Now what was that movie about anyway, not that it matters. We just need the title (MANIACAL LAUGHTER, MANIACAL LAUGHTER continues)

SE2: (MANIACAL LAUGHTER, MANIACAL LAUGHTER continues) (Wipes eyes) Let’s see, I’ll look it up on wikipedia. Okay so it says she’s a spoiled heiress who falls overboard off her yacht and wakes up with amnesia and Kurt Russell tricks her into thinking they are married to teach her a lesson about being mean and how poor people are better. He makes her clean his house and raise his kids.

SE1: Hmm, so, he coerces a woman into a spousal relationship and tortures her for a period of months? People thought that was cute?

SE2: What can I say, it was the 80’s. Kurt and Goldie had amazing chemistry.

SE1: Ok, I know what we should do. Let’s reverse the rolls, Anna will be the poor person and we’ll cast the Kurt role as a middle aged Mexican man. That should solve everything. I love torturing Mexicans. Hell, who am I kidding, I love torturing everybody!

SE2: (rubs hand together) This is going to be TERRIBLE. (MANIACAL LAUGHTER, MANIACAL LAUGHTER continues)

SE1:(MANIACAL LAUGHTER, MANIACAL LAUGHTER continues. Coughing and choking, MANIACAL LAUGHTER continues).

End Scene.

And here you are folks, from the world that brought you Footloose 2011 and a shot for shot remake of Psycho: It’s Overboard starring Anna Faris, Eugenio Derbez and Eva Longoria. (Note from Michael: This should be destroyed instantly and never be allowed to see the light of a theater, streaming service or even a clearance bin at Walmart based on the fact that it looks like Toffuti Klein ain’t in it!)

YoutTube provided some much needed shade by autoplaying the original Overboard trailer for me right after this so I know what I’ll be Netflix and chilling with this afternoon*.

*That means I’ll be masturbating to Kurt Russel’s mullet.

Pic: YouTube

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