I Didn’t Think It Was Possible, But Broadway Is Going To Get Gloriously Gayer!

My apologies to those of you who butt-birthed out a sparkly rainbow of excitement after looking at that headline and picture and thinking that Cyndi Lauper and Cher are going to star in a Broadway musical adaptation of a gay classic together. You know, like Showgirls: The Musical (Cyndi as Nomi, Cher as Cristal). Or Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?: The Musical (Cyndi as Baby Jane, Cher as Blanche). Or Death Becomes Her: The Musical (Cyndi and Cher alternating roles). As much as I want to see Cher’s Cristal sing out a riveting ballad called “You Are A Whore, Darlin'” to Cyndi’s Nomi, that’s a thing that will only exist in my dreams. They aren’t working together on Broadway and their projects are totally different. First up, Cyndi!

Cyndi won a Tony in 2013 for the score she wrote for Kinky Boots, and she also added to the score for SpongeBob SquarePants the musical (yes, my entire body cringed while typing that title), which will start terrorizing Broadway in November. Cyndi’s next Broadway project is a musical version of Working Girl. (Hey, at least it’s not a Hollywood reboot starring Amy Schumer and Julia Roberts.) Playbill says that Cyndi will do the score for the Working Girl musical and playwright and New Girl writer, Kim Rosenstock, is writing the book. There’s no script or songs yet, so there’s no timeline for when audiences will get to see the character of Cyn perform “The It’s Not Even Leath-Uh Tango” with dancers dressed like giant leather dresses.

Cyndi said on Watch What Happens Live in January that she’s doing Working Girl the musical and she also said that Carly Simon’s masterpiece Let The River Run is probably not going to be in it. Let the river BOO to that news. Cyndi also said this yesterday:

“I’m really excited for so many reasons to start composing the score for Working Girl. I love the film, and its story about a woman’s very unconventional road to success in the ‘80s is something I know a lot about. Women are still fighting for fundamental rights and equal pay! It’s also laugh-out-loud funny, which is why Kim Rosenstock is the perfect person to write the book.”

Casting is far, far off, but Tina from Bob’s Burger should still submit her headshot for the role of Katharine since she already played that part to perfection in Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl.

Now on to the news that really made me dry fart out sequins and feathers.

A musical about the life and times of Cher, called The Cher Show, has been in the works for a bit. There was a reading earlier this year and Cher loved it. She tweeted last night that The Cher Show will go to Broadway sometime in 2018. Playbill says that Rick Elice wrote the book, Avenue Q director Jason Moore is directing and Hamilton’s Jeffrey Seller is producing. In a casting notice that went out last year, the plot was given. The role of Cher will be played by three different performers. Chad Michael’s wig is probably shaking with confusion, because he doesn’t know whether he wants to try out for Babe, Lady, Star or all of them.

“In this production, the characters of BABE, LADY, and STAR represent Cher at different moments of her life- starting as a teenager who falls for Sonny Bono (BABE), a successful music star navigating the challenges of the entertainment industry (LADY) and the lady we know today with a fascinating wealth of life experience, successes, and failures (STAR).”

Other characters will include Cher’s mom, Sonny Bono, Bob Mackie, David Geffen, Robert Altman, Gregg Allman and Sigmund Freud. Based on that plot and Sigmund Freud being it, it sounds like it’s going to be a bright, shiny, entertaining train wreck and I can’t wait.

The Cher Show will include her biggest hits and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to have any original songs. I just hope that The Cher Show covers current-day political Cher. Because what Broadway really needs right now is “Cher” singing a reworking of Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves called Liars, Trumps and Thieves in front of a chorus of dancing toilet emojis.

?'s DANGEROUS IMBECILE Who'll Bring Down??If Not Stopped‼️His Healthcare & Tax Plan Will Actually KILL PPL. The ?Should Fear ?LIKE?PLAGUE ☠️

— Cher (@cher) May 24, 2017

Pic: Getty