And here I thought I was going to take the title of Trick Who Had The Most Pathetic Memorial Day Weekend by passing out in a plastic pool on the front lawn after getting drunk on vodka and Country Time lemonade by myself, but Tiger Woods has me beat. The Dramatic Fall of Tiger Woods just got a new chapter…
About six and a half years after Tiger Woods (who claims he was on Ambien at the time) crashed his Escalade into a fire hydrant to get away from a golf club-wielding Elin Nordegren, he was arrested on suspicion of driving while wasted in Jupiter, FL. Bitch’s drive really, really isn’t what it used to be. WPTV says that Tiger was stopped by cops at around 3 this morning on Military Trail near his house and was put into handcuffs after police determined that his ass was under the influence of some kind of stuff. If Tiger looked anything like he did in his mug shot when he was pulled over, then the cops probably determined that he was five kinds of plastered after strolling up to his car window and seeing him looking like a sedated Garfield who just saw you eat the last piece of lasagna on a Monday. Even Tiger’s hairline looks wasted. Trick looks like he was kicked out of a T.G.I. Friday’s after a server found him falling asleep in a booth in between jacking off to the chicks sitting at the bar. “So he looks like a current day Jon Gosselin is what you’re saying?” – you
Tiger was taken to Palm Beach County Jail where he redefined ROUGH AS FUCK by taking that mug shot. Tiger was released at 10:50am.
The cops haven’t said if they believe Tiger’s senses were numbed by booze, drugs or both. As People points out, Tiger had back surgery last month.
And you know that Uber surge pricing is insane when a multi-multi-millionaire like Tiger Woods can’t afford that shit.
UPDATE: Sources tell TMZ that Tiger’s 2015 Mercedes was pulled over after cops saw it weaving all over the road. After Tiger was pulled over, the cop’s nostrils were filled with booze fumes coming out of his mouth. Tiger was allegedly an asshole to the cop and refused to blow into a breathalyzer, so per Florida law, trick got hit with an automatic arrest and license suspension.