Hot Slut Of The Day!
Andre’s Cold Duck sparkling wine!
Because I have a fully developed wine palate that only tingles for the world’s finest Champagnes, Andre was already HSOTD on New Year’s Eve in 2008. But now let’s pay tribute to Andre’s brand of Cold Duck, which is always the most elegant bottle in a drugstore booze aisle!
When I was a kid, I looked at Andre Cold Duck’s opulent bottle and thought it was the kind of luxury Champagne that luxurious swan Zsa Zsa Gabor would sip in a crystal flute in a bubble bath while wearing diamonds. Little did I know, that years later I would be sipping that same luxurious sparkling wine from a plastic cup while sitting in a plastic garbage can full of warm water because my apartment in Brooklyn didn’t have a bathtub. (I never did that…. not all the time anyway.)
Wikipedia tells me that Cold Duck was invented in 1937 by Harold Borgman, the owner of the Detroit restaurant Pontchartrain Wine Cellars. Harold’s recipe was based on a German legend “involving Prince Clemens Wenceslaus of Saxony ordering the mixing of all the dregs of unfinished wine bottles with Champagne.” Who knew that when your teenage self would pour all the leftover booze in a cup to drink after a party, you were making homemade Cold Duck. You were practically a fine wine maker!
Andre’s Cold Dick (OPT: on purpose typo) was released in Canada in the 1960s before it went everywhere. Cold Duck is basically just a sparkling sweet wine. If you’re throwing a New Year’s Eve party tonight and want to impress your guests, but your grocery store doesn’t sell Cold Duck, just serve them Shasta grape soda mixed with rubbing alcohol and tell them it’s Cold Duck. They won’t know the difference really.
There’s a commercial for Andre Cold Dick on YouTube, but I’ve posted a commercial for a different brand below. Henri Marchant Cold Duck existed in the 1970s and they made this terrifying commercial starring Howard the Duck’s serious news anchor uncle who pours himself some Cold Duck. Henri Marchant Cold Duck’s secret ingredient must’ve been LSD (but then again I think LSD was the secret ingredient in everything in the 70s.)
And on that scary ass note, may we all get some Cold Duck (and cold dick, I’m not picky) tonight!
Pic: GGD