Corey Feldman Has Vowed To Stop Talking About Corey Haim

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Corey Haim’s mom Judy Haim threatened to sue the Michael Jackson-inspired bang tail right off of Corey Feldman’s head if he kept bringing up her son’s name in interviews. It looks like Judy Haim’s legal threat worked, because Corey Feldman has declared that he’s added the name “Corey Haim” to his mouth’s filter and promised to stop publicly talking about the horrific shit his late friend went through.

Between talking about banana-shaped caca logs and how snorting crushed green coffee beans can kill belly fat (or something), my mom’s forever problematic boo Dr. Oz sometimes has famous and famous-esque tricks on his show. Strangely enough, Dr. Oz teaching us how to read our piss (cut to Ray-J DVRing every episode of Dr. Oz) doesn’t solely bring up those ratings, so he needs to have a celebrity on every now and again. Corey Feldman is on today’s episode and when Dr. Oz brought up Corey Haim’s name, he must have had visions of Judy Haim collecting the contents of his bank account (moth balls and a dusty Michael Jackson white glove) after suing him. Because Corey Feldman explained to Dr. Oz that he has retired from talking about the alleged sexual abuse Corey Haim suffered through.

“Okay, we’re on the show, you ask me about Corey Haim, I do my best to answer in all fairness. What happens is this other person, who happens to be Corey Haim’s mother, is on the other side of the fence and she sees the edited version of this interview, where it’s, ‘Yeah, so Corey Haim blah blah blah.’ And she says, ‘ You’re bringing up my son again!’ I’m not bringing up your son, okay? I’m answering questions. But the point is, out of respect to her, regardless of where the fault lies, regardless of all that stuff, that’s not my issue and that’s not my place to judge. My only thing is that I answer the questions and I love Corey and I miss him to death. But if me bringing up his name is affecting her life in any negative way, then it has to stop, because I’m not here to cause anybody pain. Out of respect to her from this point forward, if I’m ever asked question about Corey, yeah we can talk about our work and the great times we had together. But as far as the personal stuff, I think I’ve said what needs to be said and we all know the story.”

Hopefully that doesn’t mean Corey Feldman is done trying to expose the demon child touchers of Hollywood.

The media is probably not going to stop asking Corey Feldman about Corey Haim, so I have a suggestion. Every time Corey F is asked about Corey H, he should switch the focus to his art by bringing out his angels and busting out his robot marionette moves while performing his hit single Go 4 It. We’d all beg for the media to constantly ask Corey Feldman about Corey Haim if he answered with another masterpiece performance.

Here’s the clip of Corey Feldman announcing that he’s going to respect Judy Haim’s wishes. As I’ve said a hundred times before, my mom is the head stan of the Church of Dr. Oz and if she knew how Instagram worked, she’d spend her day looking for anti-Dr Oz posts so that she could spam its comment section with banana-shaped turd emojis. So when I talk to her tonight, she’ll definitely give me her review of Corey Feldman’s interview and she’ll definitely say that she wishes Dr. Oz would’ve examined his piss because he may be suffering from the sicks since he wore three damn sweaters indoors! Or maybe Dr. Oz told Corey that one quick way to burn belly fat is to wear three sweaters indoors.


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