Adele Is Too Expensive For Pippa Middleton’s Wedding

“Oi, poor fing don’t realize that the only way I’m gonna appear at her weddin’ is if someone hooks up a phone to a video cable and projects a YouTube video of this performance. Sorry, bum.”

Person with a job Pippa Middleton got engaged to her banker boyfriend James Matthews earlier this summer, which means she’s got a wedding to plan. Of course Pippa’s wedding won’t be nearly as fancy an event as her older sister’s wedding was, but Pippa is trying. Duchess Kate and Prince William hired Ellie Goulding to sing at their fancy royal wedding back in 2011. Pippa wanted a famous person too, just more famous than Ellie Goulding. UsWeekly says Pippa wanted Adele to sing at her wedding next year. Pippa, please.

Sadly, it didn’t take long for Pippa to discover that you can’t hire a Kate Middleton wedding singer on a Pippa Middleton wedding budget. According to a source, Adele costs too much money for Pippa. UsWeekly doesn’t know for sure how much Adele charges to belt one out while you walk down the aisle. But they do know that it’s not uncommon for “stars of her caliber” to charge $1 million for a private performance. Once she realized that Adele was too ‘spensy, she decided to go with Plan B. Pippa’s Plan B being: “whoever is cheaper than Adele.” Maybe “Jenny” works cheap?

Unless her nephew breaks open his piggy bank and sends her an early wedding present of a million dollars, there’s no way Pippa is getting anyone close to Adele to sing at her wedding. And that’s fine! Adele is a weird choice for a wedding. Her songs don’t make me want to eat cake and dance with Auntie Myrtle; they make me want to sit alone with a box of wine and stare out the window while it rains. I’m pretty sure having Adele sing at your wedding is the surest way for at least half the couples at your wedding to split up in the parking lot.

Pic: Splash