Open Post: Hosted By Judy And Violet

This would’ve really brought all the tingles if Doralee was in the picture.

In the Golden Globes Open Post last night, we were all talking about how everyone at the GGs looked like they just finished up smoking meth while getting a train ran on them in a sauna. They all looked sweaty, jittery and broken by the heat. I said that they were either snorting coke off of the toilet seats in the bathroom or the AC was broken. The Hollywood Reporter said that it was so disgustingly hot that a dude passed out and the paramedics had to be called. The dude may or may not have been sitting near Matthew McConaughey’s juicy, rank, halitosis-smelling pits. There were rumors that the AC broke down, but a rep for the Beverly Hilton said that the AC was working all night. So either they were doing bumps out of each other’s asshole backstage or the temperatures rose from the fact that Jane Fonda was there!

Jane Fonda is 77 years old and proves that when you mix together 80s aerobics, the right kind of plastic surgery and being Jane Fonda, you can look better than tricks a third of your age. When Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin came out to present whatever it is they presented, I could feel the wrinkles in my face laugh at me and say, “That memaw looks fresher than your haggard ass.”

So that’s why everyone was sweaty and overheated. The air conditioning units were no match for Jane Fonda’s hotness. With that being said, she should’ve left that ugly dress (the side of it looks like a stitched-up crooked coochie slit) at home and showed up naked.

Pics: FameFlynet, Getty, Wenn.com