Hot Slut Of The Day!

Boglins, the outrageous creature that comes alive in your hands (not to be confused with The Hammaconda)!

You’re probably reading this from a bed in the ER where you’re being treated for torn off fingers and shank wounds in your hands. You either found out the hard way that fingering Parasite Hilton is a dangerous, suicidal act or you got stabbed by a fellow crazy bitch while fighting over a 30% TV at Best Buy this morning. It’s that time of year again when us Americans (and now Brits) burn off the forty pounds of deliciousness we swallowed the day before by stampeding, beating and murdering each other for stupid shit at Walmart.

While thinking about what kind of shit parents murdered each other for during the dangerous sport of all time (aka Christmas shopping) in the 80s, I thought about the Boglins for some reason. I remember the Boglins being the (sh)IT toy when I was 8 or 9. The 80s were truly a simpler time. Today, disgusting, slobbery smegma monsters like the Kartrashians terrorize all of our senses and in the 80s it was the Boglins.

The Boglins were rubber monster puppets with shifty glow-in-the-dark eyes and movable arms. There were several different kinds of Boglins and I most remember the one above that looks like Shrek’s dingle or something found under Brad Pitt’s foreskin. The Boglins never scared me and I may or may not have had my first kiss with one.

The Boglins were re-released in the early 2000s, but failed to become the hit they were in the 80s. Children of the 2000s just didn’t understand the gross brilliance of a toy that you can feed peas too:

I bet that’s what Pimp Mama Kris looks like when she’s in her original form. Cleanse your screen with holy water immediately!