Hot Slut Of The Day!

Seven Up candy bar, the seven wonders of the 70s!

A grand total of zero trick or treaters will knock on my door on Friday night, because : 1) Hardly any children live around here; 2) The children who do live around here will probably go to the rich neighborhoods for those full-size candy bars and; 3) The “Get The Fuck Off My Lawn Even Though I Don’t Have A Lawn” sign that hangs on my door keeps kids away for some reason. Even though I won’t get any trick or treaters, I’m still going to buy pounds and pounds of Halloween candy, because I didn’t do it right on Friday night until I pass out in a field of candy wrappers while watching the scariest show of all QVC.

So last night, I spent a little time researching candy, as I do most nights anyway, and my tongue got a boner from the sight of the Seven Up candy bar. Seven Up was a candy bar from the 1970s that was made up of seven little pockets that were filled with different flavors and they regularly changed up the flavors. Because of a certain bitch ass whiny soda brand, Seven Up faced a whole lot of trademark issues and it died before I was born so I was never able to put my mouth on that 7 wonders of deliciousness (strangely enough, I’ve said that line many times when a friend has asked me how my date went).

There’s a “Bring Back” Facebook page for EVERYTHING (I mean, there’s a Bring Back The Lemonades Girl Scout Cookie FB page and what kind of sucio fuck wants that back?), so of course there’s a Bring Back Seven Up FB page and that’s a FB page that needs to exist. Because I need that in my mouth (strangely enough, I’ve said that line many times at the start of a first date)! I guess if I want to experience the delicious glory of the Seven Up candy bar, I can put on one of those dental mouth openers and shove an entire variety box of See’s Candy in there at once. I was planning on doing that anyway.