This weekend, gold medal-winning soccer star and former Dancing with the Has-Beens contestant Hope Solo went a little more lady thug than Ladybugs (I’ll show myself out fort that one) by getting drunk and giving her 17-year-old nephew the Maksim Chmerkovskiy special. According to TMZ, Hope Solo missed her flight in Seattle, and rather than hang out with a plate of fajita poppers at the Chili’s Too in the airport, a drunk and pissed-off Hope went to her sisters house. Hope, who puts the ‘-unt’ in the word ‘aunt’, accused her nephew of talking shit about her and hissed that he’d never be a pro-athlete because he’s “too fat and crazy” (I guess there’s only room for ‘too crazy’ in the world of professional sports).
The 17-year-old left the room and 32-year-old Hope followed right behind, calling him a “pussy”, to which Hope’s nephew told her to “get her cunt face out of my house”. That’s when Hope Solo went loco and started punching her nephew’s face and pulling at his hair. To make matters even messier, Hope’s nephew ran into a back room and came out with a BB gun pointed at Hope, but I guess he forgot his aunt has a deflated soccer ball for a brain, because she kept coming for him.
Hope eventually left and the nephew called the cops, but like 2 seconds after he hung up the phone, she returned to kick in the door and start swiping at everyone, including her sister. Her nephew grabbed a broomstick and started hitting his crazy aunt in the head, but it didn’t do any good and she kept punching and slapping. Eventually the cops showed up and arrested Hope Solo for confusing her sister’s house for a UFC Octagon, but she’s already been released from after pleading “not guilty” and claiming she’s the real victim after being assaulted and injured during the “unfortunate incident” at her sister’s. She’s due back in court in August.
DAMN! Han Solo, come get your long-lost daughter, because bitch is A MESS and needs some guidance. Then again, it might be more trouble than it’s worth. She’ll run off to the Mos Eisley Cantina, get next-level space drunk, come home, kick down the door to the Millennium Falcon, and rough up your wookiee. Then she’ll grab your gun, try to shoot you, and then when the cops arrest her, she’ll claim she’s just an innocent victim and that Han shot first.