Kaley Cuoco Got Married, Looked Like A Goddamn Pink Mess While Doing So

January 1, 2014 / Posted by:

After the most natural and organic true love union between Kaley Cuoco and Superman bloomed and quickly died, I figured that she’d swear off love forever and spend her nights trolling the streets for in-love couples to stab in the throat. But Kaley Cuoco somehow managed to pick herself up, jump on a new dick, get engaged and get married. Kaley started boning professional tennis player Ryan Sweeting six months ago, three months later they were engaged to be married and now they’re husband and wife. And I’m sure they’ll stay married for the rest of eternity, or until Kaley needs more attention from People magazines and files for divorce, which will probably happen before the red velvet curtain closes on 2014. That’s real love!

People says that Kaley and Ryan’s pre-divorce ceremony happened at the Hummingbird Nest Ranch in Santa Susana, CA last night. 150 guests all spent their New Year’s Eve watching Kaley get married to the man who will probably become her first ex-husband.

I usually side-eye selfish whores who get married on Christmas Day or New Year’s Eve, but I’m sure there was an open bar and Kaley provided visual entertainment by looking like she was drowning in a jar of strawberry Fluff. And I’m sure Kaley has at least one drunk auntie who shook her head through the ceremony while saying, “From fake fucking Henry Cavill’s hot ass to this?! How dreadful, indeed.”

(Pic via Instagram)

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