The Baroness Of Butter Is Back!

A few months after her deep fried lard empire crumbled under the weight of the racist foolery that spewed out of her mouth, Paula Deen reunited with her butter-loving subjects at the Metro Cooking & Entertaining show in Houston on Saturday. Since the lawsuit that killed most of her career was settled and dismissed, Paula started her damage control comeback tour and of course her first stop was Texas. The craziest part is that Paula’s disciples gave her a 10-minute standing ovation. TEN MINUTES! Jesus wouldn’t even get a 10-minute standing ovation if he came back again. Yes, let’s all stand for ten fucking minutes for Paula Deen, because she’s so brave. But honestly, Paula is brave for crying in public, because when she cries she looks like a white Jafar inhaling a whole lot of dirty ass. Paula told her fans:

“These are tears of joy, y’all. This is my first time out in three months. … The one place I wanted to make my first step out was in Texas. You are forgiving folks with hearts as big as your state. We all experience pain in some way but pain is also a good thing because it makes you grow.”

And so it begins….

I’m sure she’ll continue her damage control tour by adopting a black child, opening up a chicken and waffles restaurant in Harlem and replacing Miley in Kanye West’s remix of Black Skinhead.