You Know You’re Every Kind Of Drunk When…..

January 3, 2013 / Posted by:

Bronson Pelletier used to be known as “WHO?!” or that dude from Twilight and now he’s known as that drunk, dirty, sick motherfucker who pissed in the middle of LAX. Well, I guess being known as the dude who drunk pissed in the airport is better than being known as a dude from Twilight. So well, played, I mean, well peed, Bronson!

Last week, TMZ scooped CNN by breaking the highly important news story of how Bronson Pelletier was arrested for being a drunken mess at LAX. Brosnon was pulled off of his flight, because the pilot declared him way too messed up on the sweet nectar to fly. It was a good call, because if he wasn’t pulled off of that flight, he would’ve pissed in the aisle like he was R. Kelly and that plane floor was an underage girl, and every passenger would’ve gotten ten whiffs of beer-infused bladder water. Right after Bronson was kicked off the plane, he pulled out his weapon and pissed…. and pissed…. and pissed… and pissed…. and pissed until his extra long pee time was cut short by an officer who tackled him to the ground. The officer didn’t even let him shake!

At the time of his arrest, Bronson denied giving a golden shower show in the middle of the airport, but since the video has come out, his spokeswhore says he realizes he has a problem and is going to go to rehab to deal with his issues with booze and with getting piss happy in public.

You know, after watching that pissy mess of a video, I am so proud of myself for never being so damn drunk that an officer had to put my shit back into my panties after tackling me to the ground, because I made a pee pee all over the carpet. You should be proud of yourself too if you’ve never done that.

And yeah they could’ve cleaned that puddle of bad decisions up with a Bissel pet cleaner, but an easier way to clean it up would’ve been to let the Twihards in. Bronson Pelletier has been on the same set as Robert Pattinson. So there’s a chance he pissed in the urinal next to RPattz’s urinal. So there’s a chance some of RPattz’s sparkly piss fumes floated over to Bronson’s peen. So there’s a chance that some of RPattz’s sparkly piss fumes got on that airport carpet when Bronson did a #1 on it. Tell that to a Twihard, back up and let their wet vacuum coochie go to work.

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