Well, At Least Kristen Stewart Doesn’t Have To Cheat With Her Side Piece In Her Mini Cooper Anymore

October 16, 2012 / Posted by:

The Twihards holding 24-hour prayer circles in front of their Robsten altars in the utility closet of their parents’ garage worked. Robsten is unbroken (Note: Every time someone types “Robsten is unbroken,” Nutty Madam has an O.) But since Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s contract will expire after this Twatlight mess ends, she didn’t move back into his house. KStew bought her own.

Looking like a comatose sloth on camera has made KStew millions upon millions of dollars and she used some of those millions to buy a 3, 361 square foot, 4 bedroom, 4.5 bathroom house in the Los Felez (typo and it stays) neighborhood of Los Angeles. KStew’s $2.1 million house is just a mile and a half from RPattz’s $6.3 million house, so it’s close enough to his sparkle peen yet far away enough for her to sneak in her side pieces without him finding out. KStew buying her own private slut house is the smartest thing she’s ever done.

First of all, that house is ugly. It looks like an El Torito that closed down and was turned into a Chili’s. Second of all, why in the world does KStew need four and a half bathrooms? KStew doesn’t take a shower, because she keeps clean-ish by letting RPattz lick her dirty pit syrup up with his tongue. She should turn those four bathrooms into four hot boxin’ rooms. Third of all, KStew is truly living the American dream, because she may look like a squatter who only drinks sink water from a gas station bathroom and has perfected the art of pissing into a coffee can, but she’s the owner of a multi-million dollar home. Don’t judge a hobo by her hobo-ness!

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