RPattz Is Getting Free Food From Everybody

August 15, 2012 / Posted by:

And vampires don’t even eat food!

Jon Stewart started a food giveaway trend on Monday night when he gave Robert Pattinson a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to try break the awkward ice. George Stethoscope-olous tried to do the same thing on Good Whoring America today by giving RPattz a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (more like Cinnamon Toast BARF!) and it really didn’t work out as well. Just like Jon Stewart, George didn’t bring up Kirsten Stewart’s name, but he did tip toe around the subject and it became clear that RPattz would rather shampoo his hair than talk about personal shit. George and RPattz’s awkward intro about “you know what” went like this:

George: Your performance in Cosmopolis blah blah blah and I want to get to it, but I know you know this, I gotta get the elephant in the room out of the way. Everybody just wants to know, how are you doing and what do you want your fans to know about what’s going on? In your personal life?

RPattz: I mean, you know… They seem pretty excited about kind of whatever. I’d like my fans to know that Cinnamon Toast Crunch only has 30 calories a bowl in it, for instance. Pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth is irrelevant.

Yeah, that went well. I love how talking to RPattz has turned every talk show host, journalist, reporter, whatever into his mom and they’re afraid of cracking his precious snowflake skin. I kept waiting for George to say shit like, “Are you sure you’re okay? Have you been pooping regularly? That might help. Do you want a grilled cheese? I’ll cut the edges off. How about a warm compress for your tummy? A lavender bath? You know you’ll always be my beautiful angel, right?

I mean, is it that serious? Just get it over with and shout at him, “Do you hate the tramp or it this just the STUNT QUEEN stunt of all STUNT QUEEN stunts?” This is just getting out of hand. There are children starving and we’re giving all of our food to RPattz! He better start his own food bank.

Here’s RPattz strolling around NYC last night and you can’t tell from these pictures, but even the starving homeless people are throwing cakes and cookies at him.

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