Linda Hogan Is Getting Married

Proving that eating Hulk Hogan’s ass for 25 years causes irreparable brain damage, 50-year-old Linda Hogan is planning to marry her 21-year-old boy toy Charlie Hill. Charlie went to high school with Linda’s son Nick and is one year younger than Brooke. Nick is already a dumb fuck of the highest order, so seeing his mother freak on his friend’s leg at his high school reunion will hopefully take him over the edge. I can’t wait.

Lime Life reports that Linda and Charlie will promise to love each other until death does them part (or until Linda divorces Charlie for using the last bottle of peroxide) next summer. The plan is to get married on Linda’s appropriately named yacht, ALIMONY. Brooke has made it clear that the thought of her mother with Charlie makes her want to vom on her assless chaps, so I doubt she’ll hold her mother’s bouquet at the wedding.

I know Linda looks like a luau pig dressed in drag as Hatchet Face, but she’s got plenty of cash stuffed into the middle of her chest hogs thanks to Hulk Hogan so she could probably get herself a hotter paid piece. You know, one that doesn’t look like he names all his skid marks and doesn’t regularly huff gas out of cars. Actually, maybe she can’t. They’re perfect for each other.