Turtle Meltdown!

Kimora Lee’s former leathery wallet, Russell Simmons, apparently had himself a cunt party for one at Charlotte Ronson’s fashion show last night.

A witness tells Radar that when Russell got there, he immediately thought they gave away his seat, so he flipped a switch. The witness went on to say, “He thought his seat was given away and lost it on some poor staffer on the runway moments away from the show’s start.” Russell immediately pulled some “let me speak to your supervisor” shit. I love pulling that card whenever the telephone company refuses to refund all those calls to fuck lines I didn’t make…while sober.

When the head bitch of seating came out to talk to Russell, he continued to act like an old fool. Russell was told to calm down and he shot back with, “I’m a calm person!” They were finally able to make Russell happy by moving two people in the front row.

Everyone knows that Russell’s seat needs to be covered with dried grass and a plate full of wet lettuce should be available for him to chew on. Charlotte Ronson probably didn’t provide this, so of course Russell’s ass lips got twisted.

And I doubt Russell caused a big scene. I mean, there’s nothing threatening about a 300-year-old turtle without his shell on.