Poor Widdle Ashton

Welcome to the real word, Asshole Kutcher. Little Ashton Kutcher posted a video this morning of him crying and whining after the construction workers next door woke him from his baby sleep at 7:30 in the morning. Ashy bitched that he’s been dealing with it for six months and then called his neighbor a “jackass” and a “dickweed.” I don’t know who he’s calling a jackass with that hat on.

After his video douche rant, Ashy took to updating his Twitter about the situation. He said his “SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick” was polluting the whole neighborhood with the noise.

Ashy’s neighbor told TMZ that he’s just acting “silly.” You hear that, Ashy? You are silly! The man added that according to laws or something he has the right to start construction at 7 in the morning. The dude claims Ashton’s dick bag kingdom took 10 years to build and everyone in the neighborhood had to put up with the noise.

Ashy later twittered that it was all a joke and he didn’t really mean it, “I’m not saying im not pissed at the banging but common.” Yeah, everyone. COMMON! Please, you know the dumb bitch just felt stupid that everyone was laughing at him for being such a whiny fool.

If he wants to hear real noise, he should move to fucking NYC. Recently I got woken up at 3 in the morning by some bitch on the street who was screaming that someone stole her pet ferret! No joke. Did I get weepy about it? No. I stuck my ears plugs in, blasted my dream soundtrack and continued dreaming about Rojo Caliente gently combing my hair.

And how long have we put up with the noise pollution coming out of Ashton’s mouth hole? Yeah, consider this payback.