Barbizon: The Place Where Dreams Come True

I knew there was a valid reason on why I feel an affinity towards Sheena the Warrior Princess from Harlem on “America’s Next Top Model.” And now I know what that reason is. It’s because we are both Barbizon School of Modeling graduates! Barbizon alumni must stick together. It’s a cruel world out there and Barbizon has taught us the necessary skills to get through it.

I’d love to see how Sheena opens a door when leaving a room. At Barbizon, we spent at least a couple of hours learning how to open a stupid fucking door when leaving a room. The correct way to leave a room after an audition is to walk with your face to the room at all times. Seriously. You must slowly walk towards the door, while smiling the entire time. Still smiling, you must grab for the doorknob behind you, open the door and walk through it backwards. You MUST keep your front parts to the skanks in the room. I was 8 at the time and this nonsense seemed like the most important thing in the world to me. Learning how to walk out of a room properly was going to make me a fucking supermodel. GAYER than gay! Barbizon probably made me like the peen.

I also learned at least a dozen ways to sit like a fucking lady. You see, if you’re on a modeling call, you have to sit one way. If you’re on an acting call, you have to sit another way. My mom paid thousands of dollars for me to learn this crap in the storefront of some strip mall! But it’s made me the person I am today. I barely know what 2+2 is, but I know how to walk backwards out of a stupid room.

I don’t even remember them teaching us how to pose or any shit like that. We did have a fashion show and photo shoot at the end of the year, but our parents had to buy the clothes. Below is someone’s graduation runway show from Barbizon. My runway show pretty much looked the same, but they had a hotter emcee.

And Sheena isn’t the only hot bitch to graduate from Barbizon. Ryan Phillipe, Augusten Burroughs, Carmen Electra, David Archuleta and various hos from “America’s Next Top Model” are all graduates. What do they all have in common? They all know how to walk out of a room the right way!

Thanks Keila