— People magazine (@peoplemag) March 26, 2014
And I’ll keep AHAHAHAHAHAHAHABLEHEHEHEHEHEAHAHAHAHing at this perfect Louvre-worthy cover of InTouch Weekly until Kim Kartrashian’s Rose Bowl ass keeps growing and growing and growing and pushes us all off the face of the Earth. This is like James and the Giant Peach as written by Stephen King. When Kim’s ever-growing monster ass takes over 98% of the planet and we’re all running away for our lives, don’t stop if you turn around and see that her crack has gotten a hold of my right leg and is sucking me in. Save yourselves!
As always, The Hammaconda has perfect timing. It knows when it’s needed the most (read: Jon Hamm knows when not to wear chonies outside).
Okay, maybe one comment: The only thing I want to know is if Sarah Palin wore her exquisite patriotic stripper heels while telling Obama to slip the “race card” under his pile. That’s the only thing that matters.
Allison sent this to me and wrote, “I know the year is young, but still headline of the year?” And of course it came from the most influential and highly-esteemed literal journal of our time, The Daily Mail. You really don’t need to know anything more because that headline says it all and more. The Daily Mail should make room in the 80,000 square foot vault that keeps all of their Pulitzers, because they’re going to get another one for that headline. And if they don’t have room, maybe Jennifer McCarthy (please tell me they call her Jenny) can lease them some space in her genitals.