Harvey Price Has The Perfect Response To Trolls

Katie Price (who apparently, scalped a My Little Pony for that wig) is a regular panelist on the ITV talk show Loose Women, and she’s talked about her 13-year-old earth angel son Harvey Price a few times. During an episode in March, Katie talked about what’s it like raising Harvey, who is partially blind, is on the autistic spectrum and has a disorder called Parder-Willi syndrome. And on today’s episode, Katie and the other panelists got into the demon shit-hearted trolls who spew balls of hate at Harvey on social media.

HuffPo UK says that producers thought that maybe they should pre-tape the segment, but Katie spat on that idea, because she wanted people to see what Harvey is really like. Well, while talking to  Harvey, Katie asked him what he says to someone who says mean shit about him. Harvey had the right idea years ago when he told Peter Andre to “fuck off” in their reality show, and he had the right idea this morning when he gave this response to trolls:

“Hello, you cunt.” It’s simple, precise, truthful and yet, polite. Well played, Harvey! And I watched the entire segment and noted troll Piers Morgan managed to make it all about him. My response to that is what Harvey said.

Pics: Wenn.com

Harvey, Who Dis Woman, Because It Can’t Be Your Mom

Believe it or not, but the vision before you is not a fuck effort Janice Dickinson wax figure made by an artist with arthritis-stricken hands out of melted orange candles, dried bronzer clumps and basketball leather. It’s the saint who gave birth to Britain’s true chosen child: Harvey Price!

I’m guessing that dozens of people squinted their faces into the “The fuck is that?” position when Katie Price sashayed along the red carpet at the London premiere of The Lego Movie on Sunday afternoon. In addition to her new face, Katie brought along three of her kids (Harvey, Princess Tumamatambien and Junior) and her latest husband whose name I forgot and I’m not even going to Google, because really what’s the point? Like her face, bitch is going to have a different one next week. KATIE PRICE’S FACE, though! I don’t know what she did to it this time, but if you pricked her cheek with a needle, a river of fillers would flow out and her entire body would shrivel and fall like a deflating bouncy castle that too many fat kids jumped on.

You know how you’re supposed to teach your kids to not talk to strangers? How the hell does Katie Price tell her kids that it’s okay to trust her even though she’s always got a new face on? Does she introduce her new face to her kids and then read them My Beautiful Mom again?

With all that being said, I have to slow clap for Katie for decorating her herp sores. I’ve always said that whenever you’ve got a cold sore or a wart or a hemorrhoid, cover that bitch in metallic paint, sprinkle some glitter on it and work it proudly. Work that herp sore like it’s a precious jewel, bitch. If a rat carefully chewed off Katie Price’s lip sore and dropped it in my hand, I’d totally wear it as a necklace.

Pics: Wenn.com

Meet Harvey Price’s Latest Stepfather

Katie Price once again redefined the definition of bridal elegance on Wednesday when she slipped a nip and gave everyone a thigh show after she made part-time stripper Kieran Hayler (or as earth angel Harvey Price probably calls him, “Fuck OFF!“) her third husband in the Bahamas. When Katie married Harvey Price’s first stepfather Peter Andre, she looked like a pink Barbie cake violently diarrhea’d all over her.  When Katie married Harvey’s second stepfather, cross-dressing cage fighter Roxy Baby, she did quickie-style in a Las Vegas wedding chapel. And for her third wedding, Katie got married at Sandals in the Bahamas and wore a classic stripper gown while her future ex-husband wore a sensible mother of the bride blouse. The Sun has the pictures and you should brace yourself for the demure classiness that will hit you after you click over.

Katie and part-time stripper Keiran Hayler have been together for about nine seconds and she tells The Sun that she knew he was destined to be her third husband, because a psychic told her that she would marry a man named KEVIN. “Keiran” is practically Irish for “Kevin” and Katie cares about the sanctity of marriage as much as she cares about having dignity, so she figured why not!

“I saw a medium who told me I’d already met the person I was going to marry. She also said his name was Kevin. Well, Kieran has been after me for a year, ever since we were first introduced by our mutual friend Phil Turner — husband of my make-up artist Gary Cockerill (Note: I wish my last name was Cockerill). Apparently, he’d been asking for my mobile number for ages. And his name is also close to Kevin, so it all became clear. I took a friend with me who made notes during the session with the medium because I wanted to make sure I’d heard everything accurately. Yes, I’m following my heart — but I’m not harming anyone. All I can say is there is no Pricey rulebook. If I feel something is right, I’ll do it, even if it comes out of the blue.”

Katie also said that this is ONLY her third marriage, so get off her ass.

“This is only my third marriage. I did my own Pricey Marriage Survey and discovered I was in good company. Joan Collins has been married five times, Liz Taylor did eight and Zsa Zsa Gabor nine. So there! I get stick, but no one has picked on them for all the marriages they’ve had.”

I’ve always said that a couple that waxes their assholes together, stays together, but I have a feeling that just like a newborn pube sprouting out of Kieran’s crotch follicle, Katie’s wedding ring will be plucked off and thrown into the trash in about ten minutes.

Harvey Price wasn’t at the wedding and I’m not mad at Katie for that. Harvey probably had better things to do like ANYTHING other than going to this wedding. Besides, once you’ve rolled your eyes at one Katie Price wedding, you’ve rolled your eyes at every Katie Price wedding.

Harvey’s Gonna Get A New Stepfather

Katie Price’s divorce to cross-dressing MMA fighter Roxy Baby isn’t finalized yet, but that hasn’t stopped her from lining up her next ex-husband. Kim Kardashian has handed the whoopin’ stick to Katie Price and now it’s her turn once again to beat at the pile of horse bones dust that is the sanctity of marriage. Katie’s rep told The Sun yesterday that her Argentine boy piece Leandro Penna pooped the question into her ears on Friday night. Since Katie will only say no to the questions “Your skin is starting to bubble, do you think you should get out of the tanning bed now?” and “Can we fuck without the cameras just this once?“, she said YES! It’s a wonderful day for Katie’s divorce lawyer (he can put a down payment on that country house now) and Thelma Madine (who obviously makes all of Katie’s cotton candy queef wedding dresses). Katie’s rep had this to say about her latest engagement:

“It’s true — they are engaged. Leandro proposed to Katie while they were away skiing recently — and she said yes. They told her children but had intended to keep it secret for a while. No wedding arrangements have been made and they are both quite relaxed about that for the time being.”

Leandro designed Katie’s ring himself with help from her favorite jeweler. Today is the day where you learn that there’s a 6-year-old girl trapped inside of Leandro and Katie’s favorite jeweler also designs the rings sold in candy machines outside of The Dollar Tree. This tacky mess looks like a dingle pulled off of Parasite Hilton’s ass hairs:

I have a feeling that this is going to last longer than Katie’s past marriages. Leandro and Katie both barely speak English and they both have exquisite taste in jewelry. They’re meant to be. Oh, what am I saying? This shit isn’t going to last. Katie has had ass warts that lasted longer than this marriage will last. I just hope that at the wedding, Harvey Price will continue to be the voice of the people by quoting himself while giving a speech at the reception:

I know I pull that clip out of the vault every other damn week, but it’s a gem and gems were made to be appreciated at all times. And it best expresses my thoughts about pretty much everything.

A Double Shot Of Class

The world is about to find out whether or not it has enough supplies of titty gel, rayon hair, pecan skin varnish, Lamisil cream for vaginas and industrial strength antibiotics for two Katie Prices. Because when Katie Price wet humped with reality TV, a throbbing genital wart grew and out popped 19-year-old Amy Willteron! Amy is the winner(?) of Signed By Katie Price and has won a glamour modeling contract as well as learning everything there is to know about building a multimillion pound empire when you’ve got the talent of a nipple pimple.

Usually when Katie Price takes someone under her wing, they later fall out with full body syphilis and Agent Fake Tan syndrome. But Amy Willerton is safe, because Katie Price only means it figuratively. Amy is Katie’s new protégée and she’s set to take the glamour modeling world by storm one camel toe flash at a time.

That’s nice and everything, but I’m going to tell Amy the same thing I tell the free clinic nurse when he goes down to my down low bits to find out where the hissing sound is coming from: GOOD LUCK and BEA ARTHUR BLESS! Amy will get a two-page spread in Nuts Magazine, a crawl-on role in Katie’s next sex tape and that’s it. Amy just doesn’t have the no-so-secret secret to Katie Price’s success. I’m talking about HARVEY!!!!!!

Harvey is who a four leaf clover goes to when it needs good luck. Harvey can make a broken mirror glue itself together. Harvey is really what you find at the end of a rainbow. Katie Price is nothing (stop right there and that would still be a factual statement) without HARVEY!!!!

It’s HAAAAAAAAARVEEEEEEY!

Thank God Katie Price is a lie machine wrapped in silicone wrapped in orange wax strips, because if she was really telling the truth when she said she was going to stop pushing her chirruns in front of the cameras, then our retinas would’ve never been touched by the rays of sunshine that spun out of Harvey Price’s smile at a screening of Lion King 3D in London today. Really, if you put a microscope under a sun’s ray, the words “IT’S HAAAAARVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!” is the only thing you’d see.

Of course, our Earth Angel Harvey wasn’t the only Price child there. Katie brought out Princess Teamoyomama, Junior and two of their little friends. That little boy in the blue is posing so damn hard for the cameras you’d think he a 6-year-old me at a Barbizon audition. Boy Blue is Phoebe Price-ing out of his mind, but Harvey’s still got this without even trying. Nice try, Boy Blue, but don’t quit your day school.

And it was festive of Katie Price to decorate the top of her head in the theme of the day. Bitch’s weave looks like it was dragged across the Serengeti under a wildebeest’s hoof after three hyenas tried to mate with it in the swamp.