According to Collider, a movie version of the graphic novel Cowboy Ninja Viking, which sounds like the name of some fuck-boy’s World of Warcraft character and was supposed to star Chris Pratt, was pulled from Universal’s release calendar and sent back to development hell, just a mere month before production was scheduled to begin.
CNV is still in development, but producers and director Michelle MacLaren pressed pause on casting after finding leads in Chris and Priyanka Chopra. Chris was going to play Duncan, “a new kind of assassin who manifests the toughest skills of three different personas — a cowboy, a ninja and a viking.” Priyanka gets no character description but I’m sure that she’ll be wearing some kind of armoured bikini. Priyanka is still likely the girl they’ll go to for the lead if the movie ends up getting back off the ground but it will depend how free her schedule is. I’m sure it will be busy with that whole Nick Jonas wedding thing she has planned. But maybe she can get Nick a part in it? He could be Chris’ sidekick. What’s a little bit lesser than a Cowboy Ninja Viking? A Pilgrim Geisha Warrior? I’d stan.
Cowboy Ninja Viking was going to be a summer tentpole for Universal, who planned for it to come out June 28 next year. They didn’t want to rush the movie though with a source telling Collider that Universal “has franchise hopes for the property.” Oh yeah franchise this bitch. Cowboy Ninja Viking 2: He’s Also A Sniper, Cowboy Ninja Viking Sniper 3: He’s Also A Motocross Star, Cowboy Ninja Viking Sniper Motocross Star 4: And He Skydives, Cowboy Ninja Sniper Motocross Star Skydiver 5: He Joins UFC. You could go on and on.
I guess Chris’ has the next month free since he’s no longer shooting this (likely) mess. I’m sure after Universal scrounges up enough money they’ll end up making Cowboy Zombie Ninja or whatever the fuck it’s called. There’s no way a studio full of straight dude-bros isn’t going to make a movie about some all-powered uber-bro come to life. You’ll get there Chris! Until then you can always chill with that new girlfriend of yours, Katherine Schwarzenegger. Oh! Maybe she can get her dad to play the villain! Chris Pratt playing a cowboy AND a ninja AND a viking AND Priyanka Chopra is in a metallic bikini AND Arnold Schwarzenegger is the buff villain? Talk about a dude-bro wet dream.