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August 1, 2018 / Posted by:

ASOS’ Chub Rub Jeans!

Good news for those of you collectors of practical and elegant denim! There’s a new pair of stunningly exquisite jeans to add to your collection right next to your $1,200 easy access butt fuck jeans, your Saran Wrap window mom jeans, and your overpriced hillbilly garter belt jeans.  It’s still summer in many places and the sun is still looking to cook your skin, so it’s the perfect time to pull $23 out and use that cash to get ASOS’ thigh cutout jeans. Show me a trick who doesn’t want sun burnt circles hugging their thighs and I’ll show you a bona fide lie-telling liar!

The internet has dubbed ASOS’ “high waisted jeggings with suspender detail” as the Chub Rub Jeans. Chub rub sounds like such an adorable name for giving a hand job, but “chub rub” is what it’s called when your thighs rub together and chafe while walking in the heat. If chub rub is your kink and nothing makes your loins slobber like getting a rash on your thighs from them rubbing together like two walruses dirty dancing in a dry sauna, this is your idea of a dildo:

The other things about those jeggings is that unless you have the body fat of an actual stick, your thigh fat and skin is going to roll over your cutouts when you sit and look like half of an almost-cooked pancake on the grill. So if you wear those jeans out in public and sit down, there’s a 100% chance that Stewie is going to appear out of nowhere and eat your thighs off. You’ve been warned.

Pics: ASOS

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