Brad Pitt Wants To Make Nice With Angelina Jolie For The Sake Of The Children

June 29, 2018 / Posted by:

Now that he’s finished sowing his architectural oats with an MIT architecture professor, and lasted all of 20 minutes with his “I can be a meanie pants in front of a judge, too!” act, Brad Pitt is waving a white flag to the tune of Dido because everybody knows you can’t fight St. Angie Jolie without facing the wrath of whatever spirits she manages to conjure up in her nightly goat sacrifice. Brad is said to be devoting all his time to fatherhood and making things nice to be a better pawpaw. Someone poor one out tonight for Brad’s old bong.

Entertainment Tonight says Brad is all about ‘dem kids and focusing on family these days, and he hasn’t felt this good since the time his weed dealer gave him a Payless BOGO discount on the good kush. OK, I’ll stop with the Mary Jane jokes. For this paragraph. Anyway, a snitch elaborated on what’s been going on:

“He spent over a year learning to live a healthier lifestyle and he feels better than ever. He is more than ready to take on a much larger role in his children’s lives and that is finally happening. He missed being with them on a daily basis and this last Father’s Day with them was incredibly meaningful.”

It’s amazing what a year of soul-searching via pounding stranger nalgas can do for a man’s spirit! A judge ruled Angie has to stop being a helicopter mom when it comes to the child army’s time with their dad, so she’s apparently retracted her claws, and that’s doing wonders for Brad. The same source claimed that Brad isn’t focused on dating anymore and it’s all about the kids, but that doesn’t mean tabloid editors should start writing those “Brad And Angelina Reconnect” headlines quite yet (“Too late” – tabloid editors):

“[He and Angelina] still don’t get along at all, and in fact, they can barely be in the same room.Brad doesn’t want to rock the boat [by dating]. He wants to try to co-parent and the last thing he needs right now is to start another war because things seem smoother than they’ve ever been.”

Not wanting to be in the same room with each other and trying to avoid the baby mama finding out about side chicks? Seems like a totally normal American marriage in my book!


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