Your Morning Coffee Is About To Come With A Side Of Rachel Green Aaaaand…

July 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Nah, not those Muppets, but just as much of an American icon. LAURA JEANNE POON! The Jane Pauley/Deborah Norville telenovela you didn’t know you needed could be coming soon to the ‘spensive channels! The Hollywood Reporter says Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon are signed to star in a project about morning news hosts and the greater New York media scene, and it could wind up on HBO or one of the streaming services.

Call me crazy, but this sounds good. Imagine if they had fun with it and cast LJP as the blonde in the stupid turd sandwich on Fox & Friends?! And then Jen could be, I dunno, a fallen Ann Curry-type who suddenly is relegated to that dipshit Orange Room on the Today Show to read tweets about a cat in Anchorage with the face of Jesus on its fur? Now THAT is a New York media show I want to see!

The production team includes someone from House of Cards and another from Harry Potter, so I expect something where the Matt Lauer leaves his horcruxes all over Rockefeller Center so the network will never be able to shove his ass out of the right seat. BUT THEN! Jen, while breaking the fourth wall and – oddly in a South Carolinian accent despite her not even being Southern – says, “Do you know what separates news anchors from the rest of the species? A news anchor is the one who would drown a litter of kittens for 10 minutes of primetime not bookended next to Kathie Lee Gifford.” Then, she slays the last horcrux (obviously each of the wine bottles from the fourth hour…those are sacred!). Show over.

Reese and Jen go way back, and, no, it isn’t because they both take turns writin “Chelsea Handler is a Skank Face BETCH” in their burn book after homeroom. Reese played Jen’s little sister on Friends, so I’m sure being constantly reminded how she was the older one will get Jen into “mean lady anchor” character real well! But let’s ask ourselves the most important casting decision of them all: WHO IS GOING TO PLAY WILLARD SCOTT AND READ THE NAMES OF OLDIES OFF THE SMUCKERS JAR?!

Pic: Wenn.com

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