The Tacopocalypse is upon us: Are you prepared? Lyft recently announced that it’s testing a feature called “Taco Mode,” in which riders can push a button and their driver will take them to the nearest Taco Bell drive through.
Business Insider reports:
Taco Bell will test “Taco Mode” in Orange County, California, from July 27 to 29 and August 3 to 5, with plans to expand the service across the US in 2018. In addition to providing passengers the ability to order drive-thru Taco Bell, Taco Mode also includes a custom in-car menu, free Doritos Locos tacos, and what the company calls a “taco-themed car.”
What could go wrong? I’m sure Lyft’s drivers are just thrilled to bits about this news. Driving drunk people around is already the worst, so what do you call something that’s worse than worst? Well, welcome to Taco-geddon.
Anybody who has ever drunk-ordered Taco Bell knows how it goes down. First, you’re drunk and Taco Bell seems like the best idea in the history of ideas. You sit in the car, huffing exhaust while you wait in line, which is hella long because all the bars just closed and you were not the only person to have the greatest idea of all time. As soon as it’s your turn to order you get the giggles and have to pull your shit together to talk into the box. Homegirl in the back can’t make up her damn mind about how many tacos she thinks she can neck. You get to the window and realize you spent your last $20 at the bar and have to dig under the seats for loose change. You still don’t have enough, so everybody in the back has to also look for loose change. You’re still $2.38 short, so you cancel the chalupa. You exit the drive through with your hot garbage food, pull over to the curb and set upon it like a pack of dingoes at a daycare center. Bean burrito wrappers are flying, sauce packets are squirting, whoever the fuck ordered the Mexican Pizza belches loudly. Homegirl overestimated how many tacos she could neck and lets the last, unfinished one slide out of her hand onto the floor of the back seat. Shredded lettuce litters the car as if it were shot from a confetti cannon. Somehow there are not enough napkins and too many napkins. Everybody is now sick and full of regret. This my friends, is “Taco Mode.” Sorry Lyft drivers, your car is now a “taco-themed car.”
I hope will all live to see the sunrise on August 6th.