Open Post: Hosted By A Constipated Jamie Dornan And A Disco Laura Ingalls Wilder

February 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Fifty Shits Darker comes out this week, so Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson are on their latest “Pretend Like We Sort Of Kind Of Like Each Other” press tour.

Jamie and Dakota were in Madrid yesterday where he looked like he’s trying to hold in the internal screams that are aching to burst out of him. (But doesn’t he always look like that?) And Dakota and her stylist pulled a good move. They decided that the best way to temporarily distract everyone from the turd fumes wafting off of Fifty Shades is to wear the loudest dress possible.

This Gucci dress is something Evan Rachel Wood’s character would wear if HBO did a crossover episode between Westworld and Vinyl (RIP). If Loretta Lynn and a rival had a showdown at sunset and their weapons of choice were hot glue guns and sequins, this is what Loretta would look like after losing. That dress is all ruffles and all “spoiled 5-year-old girl from the 1970s.” What I’m trying to say is that Nicole Kidman is probably going to pick up her phone and delete her stylist’s number. How could Nicole’s stylist let Dakota get a hold of this dress first?!

And I hated that ruffle bukkake of a dress until I saw the back:

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This may be a secret message. Dakota Johnson hates Jamie Dornan so much, it’s like flames, flames, flaaaames on the back of her back.

And here’s more of Jamie looking fifty shades of ecstatic while posing with Dakota at the Madrid premiere yesterday, and also at the London premiere tonight.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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