In case you couldn’t tell from the screams of the internet asking for Detective La Toya to please join forces with Detective Courtney Love to track down Orlando Bloom’s raw naked pics, the New York Daily News posted a gallery of exclusive pictures starring Katy Perry and her dick-out naked piece. But well, the NYDN threatened all of us with a good time, because they put a dreaded censor box of doom over Orlando’s peen in ALL of the pics. We’ve all been cock blocked by a black box.
Katy and Orlando are on vacation in Sardinia, Italy, and for some reason, he decided to strip down to nothing and paddleboard. I don’t know why you would want to paddleboard naked, but I’m not complaining. Get all Hedonism II in that bitch, Orly! Living the life IS sitting comfortably on your chariot as a naked Legolas paddles you around.
— NY Daily News Gossip (@NYDNgossip) August 3, 2016
If it was Jon Hamm in those pics, he wouldn’t need that paddle. The Hammaconda would steer them safely to land while fighting off any sharks that circle around them.
You can click here to see all of the censored pics if you want to. Thankfully there’s people on Twitter who are as hard-up as we are, because they’ve pointed out that you can see the shadow of what may be Orlando’s peen (but it could be his arm) in one pic. I hope Orlando’s peen didn’t see its own shadow because that would mean six more weeks without seeing the uncensored pics.
UPDATE: I guess Orlando’s peen didn’t see its own shadow, because Orlando’s bare peen has leaked on is all over Tumblr, and your eyes can get it (NSFW, duh) here.