As all of our asses know, Lindsay Lohan has only 16 days to cram in 115 hours of community service or a judge could send her to jail. HA. Like that’s going to happen. The chance of me butt birthing out a baby unicorn that knows the exact burial place of Jimmy Hoffa is greater than Lindsay Lohan actually going to jail.
On Monday night, LiLo Instagrammed some shit about being back in NYC, so everyone thought she would start her community service at the Duffield Children’s Center in Brooklyn on Tuesday morning. But since LiLo is LiLo and lying to her is like breathing in air, she lied about being in NYC on Monday. She was still in London. She didn’t land in NYC until yesterday afternoon. That being said, LiLo is SERIOUSLY SERIOUS about community service this time. TMZ says she’s staying in a hotel near the children’s center. She is so serious that she only showed up 2 hours late this morning. Hey, it’s actually impressive that bitch showed up at all. I figured she’d be a no-show and blame it on the “walking malaria” she caught on the plane ride over or say that her evil twin once again locked her in her hotel room and wouldn’t let her out. The Parent Trap is real.
Of course, one of the first things she did when she got to the children’s center this morning was to do a touching photo-op. LiLo also twatted out this dingle covered in eye rolling fuel and a thick coat of BITCH, PLEASE.
“So happy to be finally helping out all the kids and of course I’m doing it out of the goodness of my Mother Theresa-like heart and not because the court is fucking making me!”
Before LiLo began terrorizing the Duffield Children’s Center, administration sent out a letter to parents warning them that the freckled tornado of delusion may have contact with their children. via Page Six
“Ms. Lohan has asked to return to complete her community services and may be placed in a classroom with your child. As with any volunteer, this would be under constant supervision from the classroom teacher and Duffield staff. Please know that all requirements for this volunteer work will be met, prior to her entering the classroom. Furthermore, volunteers are never left alone with children.”
What’s weird is, I scanned Page Six’s article a few times and didn’t see anything about Duffield also sending home the number to the local CDC center, a bottle of cherry-flavored antibiotics and instructions on what to do if their child tells them that they licked up some “powdered sugar” on LiLo’s nostrils.