This Has Happened Before And It Will Happen Again, Ten Million Times Over

April 21, 2015 / Posted by:

According to Wikipedia, China is currently the King of Population, but if they want to hold onto their crown, they better lift that one-child law and get to bareback boning, because the Duggars are coming for their title hard.

Just two weeks after Jill Duggar spent 70 hours giving birth to Duggar #345,598,999, another one of the Duggar girls is contributing to the Duggar’s plan to overtake the world. I get all the Duggar kids confused, so when I read the headline, “Jessa (Duggar) Seewald Is Pregnant” at People, I thought the one who just popped out a baby was knocked up with another one and I shrugged, because those Duggars do not waste any time. There’s always a “no vacancy” sign hanging on their uteruses.

22-year-old Jessa Duggar, the one who may or may not have done sinful fuck times in the House of the Lord after her wedding, has got a CASE OF THE BABIES!! (Side note: At this point, I should just call it the CASE OF THE DUGGARS, since they own the baby-making game right now.) Jessa tells People that she and her husband of 5 months Ben Seewald are going to be parents for the first time. The Duggars cheer as the rest of us prepare to live in a world where every other human is a Duggar.

“We’re expecting!” Jessa, 22, tells PEOPLE. “We are so excited. The due date is November first, our wedding anniversary.” Adds Ben, 19, “We are looking forward to being parents.”

The third daughter born to Jim Bob, 49, and Michelle Duggar, 48, and her husband, the oldest of seven Seewald children, revealed their happy news as Jessa enters her second trimester.

“I am feeling pretty good,” says Jessa. “The morning sickness was different every day. It’s getting better, but I’m still hanging on to the heartburn. And I don’t have any super-serious food cravings.”

Well, the good news is that if a Duggar isn’t out there pimping out their pregnancy on the covers of Life & Style, People, etc., Michelle Duggar’s glorious hair wave of hairsprayed perfection will deflate. So yeah, we get several more months of a Duggar talking about being pregnant, but we also get several more months of Michelle’s hair wave of hairsprayed perfection!

On a different note, most of the hate mail I get comes from hardcore Duggar fan moms, which is weird to me since they’re committing every sin imaginable by reading anything on Dlisted. I got this one recently and well, she’s really got my number:


Unless there’s a doppelgänger family out there called the “Diggers,” I’m pretty sure she’s talking about the Duggars. She is right about many things, though. Sometimes I am jealous of the Duggars, because when I run out of laundry soap and have to drag my ass to Target to get some, I wish that I too had a child army to make laundry soap for me. She’s also right about the girlfriend or wife thing. If I had a girlfriend or wife, she’d hate the shit out of me, because we’d be in a sexless marriage and I’d always be out sucking stranger dick in parked cars.

Pic: Instagram

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