That Evil Sister, Sister-Hating Witch Charlize Theron Is Trying To Get Tia Mowry Banned From SoulCycle

August 7, 2014 / Posted by:

Two weeks ago, we all learned a new disturbing fact about Charlize Theron: Bitch hates Sister, Sister!

One of the stars of Sister, Sister, Tia Mowry, bravely told esteemed American journal InTouch Weekly about the time that Charlize Theron treated her like piss jelly clinging to an expired urinal cake at SoulCycle. Tia said that she’s always been a huge fan of Charlize Theron and when she saw her at a spin class, she went up to her to say “hi.” Tia claims that Charlize rolled her eyes and said, “Oh God.” I’ve heard stories about Charlize Theron being a potent bitch wrapped in blonde hair, but I never wanted to believe it. But I guess there’s truth to it and sucking the rage juice out of Sean Penn’s dick has really brought the asshole out of her.

At the L.A. premiere of TMNT over the weekend, Tia told E! News that the whole story was blown out of proportion (translation: “Don’t sic your rabid dog on me, Charlize!“). Tia is over it and is done milking it for publicity, but apparently Charlize isn’t over it and is trying to get Tia kicked out of SoulCycle forever! To me, getting kicked out of SoulCycle is like getting kicked out of Hell. It’s a blessing. Someone saying, “You’ve been blacklisted from SoulCycle,” to me is like saying, “I care for you and care for the well-being of your legs and soul.” But to those rich Hollywood whores, SoulCycle is their life! They live and die by the cycle. Overpaying to ride a bike that doesn’t move gives them life.  Getting banned from SoulCycle affects them the same way getting banned from an In-N-Out would affect me. Crazy-brained fucks.

So Tia getting banned from SoulCycle would be devastating to her and Charlize knows this. In a one hundred percent real story from Dish Nation (via ONTD), an “insider” at SoulCycle says that Charlize demanded that Tia be banned and when the managers refused, she threatened to take it to the top.

“Charlize came in so pissed off after Tia went to the tabloids about her, and she demanded we bar Tia from ever coming back. When the manager refused Charlize just got angrier and said she’d go to the top to make it happen,” said an insider at SoulCycle.

“This nobody who was famous for a minute 20 years ago can complain to the tabloids about me but I can’t expect you to protect me from hangers on in your studio?” Theron said, according to employee.

Management said it would handle the situation, but a decision has yet to be made.

A NOBODY?! A NOBODY?! Let’s find out who the “nobody” is between Tia Mowry and Charlize Theron:

Charlize Theron has won an Oscar and has been nominated twice.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Charlize Theron’s movies have grossed hundreds of millions of dollars worldwide.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Charlize Theron bought herself a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and has been on a thousand “Most Sexiest” lists.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Charlize Theron makes millions of dollars from endorsement deals.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Um, you don’t need to pull out a pad of paper and a tiny pencil to calculate the score. It’s obvious that Tia Mowry won this. Tia Mowry owns the throne Theron. Charlize, please have a seat in the back row of the highest balcony.

And when asked for a response, the management at SoulCycle said, “Charlie who? Oh, you mean that Sister, Sister-hating nobody who is now taking spin classes at the 24 Hour Fitness in Panorama City?”

Here’s Tia “Bigger Than Charlize” Mowry at the TMNT premiere.

Pics: Wenn.com

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >