Jessica Biel Is Gerard Butler's "One That Got Away"
Gerard Butler's constantly wandering dick has a serious case of ADD and needs to constantly jump from one cooch to another, but some source tells Radar that he wished he would've shoved a Ritalin pill up his peen hole and settled down with Jessica Biel. Gerard and Jessica dated for a quick minute while she and Justin Timberlake were on a break, but it ended because she wanted to get married and pop out babies and he's a high level man whore who gets the shakes if he doesn't dip his peen into a new piece every five seconds. But Gerard regrets not stopping his slut ways to get into it deep with Jessica, because he's lost his chance and he'll have to wait forever for another chance (or he'll just have to until she eventually divorces Justin in a couple of years). The source said this about Gerard's feelings:
"Gerard doesn’t have many regrets but not treating Jessica with the respect she deserved while they dated is one of them. He genuinely believes she was the one that got away. Jessica liked Gerard a lot, she was into his boyish nature, but she wanted something more serious. She was ready to settle down. [Gerard is happy that Jessica married Justin] but he still thinks he missed out. He just wasn’t man enough to admit the feelings he had for her at the time."
When I think of things that got away from Gerard Butler, I usually think of shampoo and a bar of soap, but now I'll think of Jessica Biel. I'm sure Gerard Butler will never get over this and he'll have to drown his sorrows in random chocha to temporarily forget about Jennifer, Jessie, Joshua or whatever her name was (Gerard's words not mine). But Gerard should feel better knowing that whenever Jessica finds an old tub of Parkay in the back of her refrigerator and starts to clean off the margarine crust stuck to its lid, she'll think of all the times she had to use a spoon to scrape the layers of dirty dick butter from the roof of her mouth after giving him a beej. At least they'll always have that.
Here's Mr. & Mrs. TimberBiel putting Operation Damage Control into action by handing out stuff to the victims of Hurricane Sandy in Far Rockaway, Queens over the weekend.
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I'm eternally grateful that the love of my life is also the one that got away. My life would have been a grand fucking mess if the man I fell deeply in love with when I was 20 had married me. I loved him till the day he died, and I love him still, but I also know my life would have been a shit blizzard if we'd gotten married. May he rest in peace while I tend the posse and feed the chickens.
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"I don't know how to argue my existence with someone who has reviewed a gas station." ~~Laurie Notaro
Closted gay dudes always talk about some woman who "got away" as an excuse of why they don't have a girlfriend. Butler is Bi (but prefers peen) and now can blame his lack of woman on the fact that he loved Jessica (who is bi but prefers money) who's married. Hah.
Love that Lainey has called attention to the fact that Justin is a major dick, who was given the shaft by Shriners for only being interested in the charity when the cameras were rolling. He and Boring Jessica really do have a lot in common in the famewhoring dept. They're both so blah looking with zero sex appeal.
http://www.laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/24789/Justin-Timberlake--Sh...
"When I think of things that got away from Gerard Butler, I usually think of shampoo and a bar of soap, but now I'll think of Jessica Biel."
Lines like this are why I can't entirely quit you, MK.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
oh puh lease, gerard got jealous at jessica's six pack, whereas gerard's 300 movie six pack was PAINTED ON!
she-hulk jessica got abs for realz and thighs to snap a man's neck.
He looks like Jack Nicholson in pic no. 9. Jaheezuss
Oh please, these three are all gay.
Agree with others saying this is the studio creating noise for the upcoming film.
And can we smile a little wider for the paps, J&J?
Her hair always looks terrible and detracts from her looks big time.
And I'm sure this revelation has nothing to do with their new movie coming out. I'm sure he's not looking for free promotion or anything like that. GB needs a hit like a crackhead in an alley at 3:00 in the morning. Pimpin an old relationship seems kind of low... Oh well whatever gets butts in the theater seats.
I just talked to someone yesterday that lived in Far Rockaway and they still don't have power back at his house. It was one of the worst hit areas aside from Long Beach.
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Mang, those are some chompers, eh?
I don't buy this story. Studio PR shit.
It warms the heart seeing Justin and Jessica mocking the poors to their face this time.
So, he has a new movie out soon, or what?
My fucking ex better be saying that same shit about me when i get married.
He is repulsive. Who finds him attractive?
I saw Gerard on the Daily Show recently and he looks like shit. He has well passed his "hot" stage and is heading into faded gigolo territory.
Submitted by dbella on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 4:06pm.
"Those bangs look like clip ons"
So do her lips. Gerard made a lucky escape.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Alright, MK. I love you, but I have to call your ass out.
"The One That Go Away"???
"a scolding cup of fucked up"???
Your spelling is lazier than Courtney Stodden's lower lip today.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
He's a walking STD factory. Bitch is lying.
Jessica Biel leaves me inexplicably limp dicked. Even in the alternative universe where she's into me, I'm not interested.
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:36pm.
LOL, for some reason that reminded me of Justin in leotard doing Single Ladies dance routine for SNL!
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His new controversial single is called Retards in Leotards.
It's about a newlywed man that loves to collect worms, bottle caps and lick the neighbour's bathroom window while wearing a pair of black leotards.
Submitted by Hairy Back Mary on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:25pm.
BTW Jessica Biel looks weird in these pics. I don't know if it's the bangs or what, she just doesn't look good.
Agreed, she looks like she went sans fards and has a cold or something.
Those bangs look like clip ons
i didn't know they even dated.
She looks like Sissy Spacek in these pics. It must be the bangs. And her face looks like Sissy Spacek too:
http://www.google.com/search?q=sissy+spacek&hl=en&tbo=d&source=lnms&tbm=...
Let's assume that the magazine didn't just pull this out of their ass:
Wow. Way to throw yourself under the bandwagon.
I never understand when people talk about "the one that got away". the only thing that got away from me were these wonderful palazzo pants. In my mind i saw myself wearing my pants and watching movies and eating chips on the couch sunday mornings. It was gonna be marvelous. Alas it was not ment to be since when i got to the store someone had already bought them. Palazzo pants i will never forget what could have been.
She's trying to copy Carla Bruni's look.
And HE looks like a seagull.
Justin and the chapeau reminds me of Bart's bully classmate Jimbo on The Simpsons who Bart asked why he was wearing a knit hat at the swimming pool and Jimbo removed it to reveal he was totally bald on top.
Jimbo: "I told you I'd kill you if you made a sound..."
Bart: (laughing hilariously) Yeah! But you're not playing fair!"
Cry me a fucking river, Gerard. You just want lonely gals and sexually deprived middle aged women to go see your flick.
Not biting.
What is with those BANGS? Such an unflattering look on her so she obviously must be hiding something, right?
she is so fug. why does everybody think she's hot?
Any modicum of respect that I had for Gerard's legendary manwhoriness just died. Jessica Biel has all the charm and personality of a highway reflector button. No way would she ever come close to being "the one" for a dude like Mr. Butler.
What's with the rash of "one that got away" crap lately? Does Kirstie Alley have the same PR team as Gerard? No one's buying it, no one cares, and you would have all fucked it up with each other by now, anyway. All that got away was another STD.
Jessica's hair is reminding me of vintage Joni Mitchell. But the talent, grace and presence are nowhere in sight.
Heya Twatty, how you doing? Hope great! ;D
Blech, have never found Gerard attractive, nor the others. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Hairy Back Mary -- hey, love! <3 Why you little hussy! Your kitteh would scratch his eyes out if he mistreated you, you know! Yeah, you'd have marathon sex with him, and then I'd have to hold your hand while taking you to the free clinic the next day to get you tested for a multitude of STDs!!!
I agree he's kind of hot when he cleans up really, really well, but at other times gives me the skeeves. I think I'd need a full body condom before I'd let Gerard touch me. That or I'd cry and call HBM the next day and have HER take ME to the free clinic, LOL!
I can't stand Timberpussy -- he's so fug!!!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Sadly, this lie won't make that shit-ass formulaic rom com they're in together suck any less.
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Devil's advocate.
Submitted by luvsmekitty on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:14pm.
Oh goodie, another actress sporting the thick, blunt, start-at-the-back-of-your-skull bangs. I hope this look dies a quick and painful death.
I call that haircut "the Moe," as in, the stooge!
whatever. This is just to generate interest in the movie that they're going to promote soon. I saw an ad for it the other day and I could've sworn that it had come out already 'cause it reminded me of the Gerard Butler/Katherine Hiegl movie, and the Gerard Butler/Jenn Aniston movie, etc.
Also, where's the dickbag bff that Justin claimed was going to be forced to do some volunteer work?!?
Whamo - what an image :). And, I don't think for a minute that you're that far off from the truth! Between his dance moves and She Hulk making him 'be the woman', I think that Timberlake does cry afterwards!
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:16pm.
I'm sure she can give him a call when she wants to get laid without some guy doing a 15 min dance routine before they get down to it.
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LOL, for some reason that reminded me of Justin in leotard doing Single Ladies dance routine for SNL!
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.
Submitted by luvsmekitty on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:14pm.
Oh goodie, another actress sporting the thick, blunt, start-at-the-back-of-your-skull bangs. I hope this look dies a quick and painful death.
Agreed. Bangs work well on little girls. Layers are for women.
I'm not sure why but I just don't get the Jessica and Justin thing. I never got the vibe that they were really into each other or that they had chemistry. I also wasn't really paying attention to their "romance" so whatever.
Jessica Biel is Gerard Butler's One That Got Away, says Jessica Biel's PR team.
"When I think of things that got away from Gerard Butler, I usually think of shampoo and a bar of soap..."
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That was gold, MK.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:16pm.
Now I don't know this for sure but unlike Justin I don't think Gerard cries after he cums either.
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Are you saying there's something wrong with that, that it says something about a person's character? What are you getting at?
*reaches for my security blanket, wipes off thumb*
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
OK, so she missed out on a chance to marry a raging alcoholic. No big loss.
Sure she is...He is just saying that to have an excuse for being such a SLUT! -He's fucking the pain away!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
BTW Jessica Biel looks weird in these pics. I don't know if it's the bangs or what, she just doesn't look good.