Kanye West’s CAPS-LOCK Key Just Doesn’t Know What To Think Right Now

January 5, 2012 / Posted by:

The doors to the Crazy Church of Gay Fish swung wide opened last night on Twitter when Kanye West clogged up all of his followers’ feeds for over two hours with his dreams for a brighter tomorrow, or some shit. Kanye’s brain switched to thoughts on using iPhones in schools to starting a visionary company called DONDA (named after his late mom) to opening a summer school with Spike Jonze to interning for Kunty Karl to continuing Steve Jobs’ legacy to I don’t even know. It’s like he was crying out for somebody to tell him that he needs less GOOP in his life, because you know you’re on another level of lack of awareness when even Fishsticks Paltrow is buying you a one-way ticket back to earth.

If Kanye’s CAPS-LOCK OMGLETMEBREAKMYMACBOOKAIR rants read like they were written by a Red Bull can on the wrong kind of crack, Kanye’s latest Twitterologue reads like it was written by a seasoned weed bong on a generic kind of Valium. I don’t know how to feel about this. Reading one of Kanye’s Twitterrhea sessions just isn’t the same when my eyeballs aren’t backing up into my head to escape him overdosing on CAPS and !!!!!s.

As Kanye’s CAPS-LOCK key and I stumble alongside each other into the scary unknown, you can read Gay Fish’s entire plans for his Magnum Douchepus here. But if your bowels can only take so much of Kanye in the morning, here’s the highlights. This is Kanye’s ego on the good shit:

I moved to Rome after I left Japan and worked at Fendi for 4 months under cover … I was there to give ideas for the men’s collection

I snuck to Giuseppe Zanotti Factory still under contract and learned to design woman’s shoes for 2 years before my first show in Paris

I knew about my woman’s clothing was what my Mom would wear. I guess some critics would joke that I still don’t know anything LOL

I was just discussing becoming the creative director for the Jetson movie and someone on the call yelled out.. you should do a Jetsons tour!

I have started a new company and I’m so excited about the name…. it’s got the best name ever of all companies of all time!!!….

The name of the company is DONDA

DONDA is a design company which will galvanize amazing thinkers and put them in a creative space to bounce there dreams and ideas…

I am assembling a team of architects, graphic designers, directors musicians, producers, AnRs, writers, publicist, social media experts… app guys, managers, car designers, clothing designers, DJs, video game designers, publishers, tech guys, lawyers, bankers, nutritionist … doctors, scientist,teachers…DONDA will be comprised of over 22 divisions with a goal to make products and experiences that people want and can afford…

I care about people who have never heard of me… There are over 7 billion people on the planet now…

Spike Jonze and I want to do a Summer school that tries new forms of curriculum

UNLESS YOU’RE A MATH MAJOR!!!! Kids you should be able to take majors starting in grammar school like how it is at performing art schools

Instead of kicking kids out of schools for using there iPhones… why not promote it? Allow kids to use search engines to do test…

We need to take what Michael Jackson felt and Mcqueen and Steve Jobs and we need make things better…

If anyone would like to reach out email us at contactDONDA@gmail.com

I just wanted to share what’s been on my mind… …But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” – George Bernard Shaw

Right? It’s kind of TOO lucid (for Kanye) and too coherent (for Kanye). You know the Mayans are right when Kanye’s Tweets are gently whispering at you instead of burning your eye hairs off with his ALL CAPS SCREAMS!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!@#!!!

That being said, Josh Groban, you know what to do.

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