The Next Life White Oprah Will Ruin Gets Her First Cover!
Since Lindsay Lohan can't even get a job scaring the bowels out of a bitch with her "Ayes Snort Your Brainz" face at Knott's Scary Farm, White Oprah needs somebody to be the main coke winner of the family since the ball of Vicodin mash in her head gets an allergic reaction every time it thinks of getting a real job to support her family. And the only cure for that allergy is to a shove a Neti Pot full of vodka up the swollen anus on her nose. Who's going to pay for her medicine?! That's where 17-year-old Ali Lohan comes in.
As you've already laughed your lungs out, Ali was signed to NEXT Model Management back in August and was called a future fashion icon by her agent (who obviously said this after staring deep into the crystal meth ball). And now here's the future of fashion ("But I want to live in the past..." - fashion) on something called Fault Magazine with a rayon dutch boy wig on her head and an ear full of White Oprah screaming at her to pose faster, because they need to get to the plastic surgeon's office so he can make her even skinnier by lipoing out the fatter pieces of her soul.
I pains me to say this, especially as a Barbizon alumni, but some of these pictures aren't as awful as I'd think they would be. Yes, in some these shots she looks like a malnourished Gorn in Blade Runner drag. But the freckled wonder sort of pulls it off in other pictures.
This is still a freckled-splattered wrong and White Oprah should be charged under the anti-terrorism act. I mean, this photo shoot is funding the Lohan's famewhoring ways. Case closed!
via Daily Mail
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She looks like a man in drag.
She has one expression and bad hand game.
Looks like Ryan PHOlippe and Carmen Electra are also Barbizon alumni.
http://www.barbizonmodeling.com/alumni
how old is this person supposed to be? i'm lost.
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
As much as I love to cackle at a Lohan, I actually have to admit, Ali looks good in the pictures. I'm not bothered by the freckles and am quite surprised that she looks like an actual model.
Its not the freckles that look bad but when you combine them with that freaky collar bone and she looks like a starving leper.
The banner photo wouldn't be too bad, if it weren't for her freaky-ass chest.
Now normally I don't think freckles should be shopped out. But in this case, yes. The monochrome photography makes them pop out ten times more, while they might not be as prominent if they were in color.
And they aren't even! It's like all the freckles on her body migrated to her chest! It's DISTRACTING!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Not good at all.
this is just...a joke. it's all too forced, contrived, fake. I feel kinda bad for this kid, am sure she would rather be hanging out at the mall and getting groped under the bleachers like a normal 17 year old...not sucking off some 50 year old model agent while her mother waits in the lobby. this family just needs to go the fuck away.
http://dlisted.com/node/43807/images/alifault4.jpg
i like this one, even though the dress is ugly. reminds me of anthropologie catalogue photos. it's great her freckles haven't been photoshopped out - i don't get the freckle hate.
this is so low-budget they did not even have cover up for her freckled chest...she looks diseased (like she has small pox or something allover) and that plastic surgery...doesn't look like her at all. Poor kid. FAIL
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"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Mark this as the 1st time I ever cared to comment on TheCuriousCase.
OMG ! ! !
That chest ! !
& that's all I got to say about that.
I can't get past her Rorschach chest.
Looks like someone sneezed on her.
HB to Tom Petty
How is she now a "model." She's ugly, so it doesn't make sense to me.
Was this young hag attacked by ants on her collar bone? NASTY, freckly bitch
They also forgot her Lee Press-On nails in the leather bustier dress photo. For shame! :)
Models who are not super pretty can still make it if they have a rare face, so this might still work for Ali. But, those photos are terribly amateur-looking, and she has the hands of a small child.
The pix really aren't bad at all, but the girl has got to get acquainted with some sunscreen.
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
What the hell is this shit? There is no bottom of the barrel for these hoes.
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
And now to my original comment, this magazine was created just for Ali's debut, right? Because NO OTHER magazine wants her!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
The pics aren't bad. If I just saw these pics without her name right next to it, I would think that it was some legit model, an older model, but a model nonetheless.
I also find her freckles annoying.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Submitted by stake_spike on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 2:39pm.
WO must be sucking hard for this.
I fixed that for you.
Nothing special. Or new and creative. She's okay but I don't see "model". She's too ugly for catalog, and not odd/beautiful or edgy enough for print. WO must be pushing hard for this.
Oh come on!!! The chest freckles completely distract from her face. And WTFUCK is up with the eyebrows?????? Really??????
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!! Not a top model does this one make!
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
She's got camera presence in the face area but WTF with her melanoma issued from the neck down??? It's like a visual overload and it simply takes away from everything else. Gah
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Nothing wrong with the photos but she suffers from the Lohan curse - look at thumbnail three - she looks WAY older than her age already. She photographs old. That's just deadly in that business.
I actually like the photos (shrugs)
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
She's hideous. Being very thin does not a model make. It's like the Lohans are willing this so hard to happen. I can't understand who Dina is blowing to get that kid even this far.
She looks great. People should stop hating since she is not doing anything wrong apart from bearing with her disgusting family (with a considerable amount of grace, BTW).
if you move the page so that you can only see the bottom inch or so of the main picture? it looks like a dirty turkey roaster pan.
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The McCanns Did It
Whoever decided that caterpillar eyebrows were hip should be mauled by a Bengal tiger.
It's a guy, and he looks awful. What's up with that reptile skin?
ººº
Insert Porn Music
She looks like a very masculine version of Ali MacGraw, who IMO was pretty masculine looking herself.
KILL IT!!!!
10 kinds of fug, right there.
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
she looks like lindsay.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Did she run through a mud puddle or something? Good lord is that family freckly!
Pics don't look all that bad though.
But then again, I'm sure most people wouldn't look back being photographed by a professional.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 10:23am.
And what IS it with all these obscure hipster magazines lately? I thought print was dead. Or maybe they're vanity projects by PR companies to showcase their clients.
If I were in PR, I'd create an "exclusive" artsy high-quality glossy filled with articles written by, photos taken by, featuring interviews with my clients.
isn't that called "Interview"?
she's just a kid so all imma gonna say is her 'modeling career' will be short-lived.
She looks really striking, I find.
I actually really like pictures 1 and 4, regardless of who the model is.
And I think she looks more like herself in these pictures than in those freaky paparazi shots from last month....the swelling must have gone down.
Submitted by annobanano on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:19am.
@ ba-buttons - not legal yet ya perv, lol.
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Shit, really? Lol, I guess I am a perv :P
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
Her chest is a cautionary tale. Despite my mixed background, I inherited the freckle gene from my dad, therefore I hide from the sun like a freakin' vampire, because I don't wanna end up looking like that.
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
She looks like a skillet at Waffle House
One that serves freckled pancakes.
I don't know which pictures look worse, Ali "modeling" or Lindsay in these court pix from yesterday with crackhead makeup: http://bit.ly/n4GHNj
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http://youknowyoucare.com
<"Submitted by Anonymous101 on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 10:51am.
No matter how hard Lilo and Ali fight the ginge, their freckles will always reveal their true identity.">
Adam Lambert, too. Black haired people don't have freckled lips.
"This is still a freckled-splattered wrong and White Oprah should be charged under the anti-terrorism act." -- MK
I got nothing to add except: "freckled-splattered wrong" is now a part of my personal dictionary. Thanks for expanding my vocabulary, MK.
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Sounds like what an Old French Whore might offer. "Yeeees, I will au vin your coq and for a few francs more also shia laboeuf...." --- ImpertinentVixen
All that surgery and photoshop and they couldn't get rid of some of those freckles?
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 10:34am.
What a low-rent gig. Fault magazine doesn't even rate a Wikipedia article.
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And who's Fault is that?
(Ba-DUM!)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson