Arnold Schwarzenegger Is The Epitome Of Tact, Grace And Class
Looking like a geriatric orangutan dipped in teriyaki sauce and dehydrated under a heat lamp, Arnold Schwarzenegger went biking in California on Sunday and threw a little Austrian shade at Maria Shriver by wearing an "I Survived Maria" t-shirt. TMZ says that the shirts were made by Maria's office as a farewell joke when the Governator left office in 2007. Some ho (aka the latest maid while Arnold I'll be backdoored her on the kitchen island) used a Sharpie to cross out 2007 and write in "1997," which was the year that Maria started riding on that strudel muscle bag.
Apparently, Maria and Arnold have been playing nice during their divorce settlement negotiations and they talk every day, but wearing this shirt is still a mess. Arnold is just a pile of wet dumb. Not because he got caught barebacking a baby out of the maid and shouldn't kick at Maria while she's down. That's not why. You know I'm a disciple of cunt shade.
Arnold is as dumb as tumah skin for wearing that shirt, because he's still in the middle of divorce negotiations and he's already bragging like he's sashayed away without a dime missing from his wallet. Arnold hasn't survived shit yet. Just for that, I hope Maria takes everything including that shirt. Then I hope she cuts that shirt into a pussy pastie and crosses out the word "Maria" and writes "AHHHHHHNALD." Or "Tumaaaaah." They basically mean the same thing.
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Michael K = genius.
God, how much I love wordplay.
"I'll be backdoored..." just made my night.
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Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
a geriatric orangutan dipped in teriyaki sauce and dehydrated under a heat lamp,
Ha!!!! Best description ever. I bow to your genius, MK. Those words will come to mind whenever I look at this jackass from now on.
At first I thought it said, "I survived malaria."
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
and the skinny shall get fat and the blondes will go gray and wrinkles will crease your face and gravity will take over, such is life
Nik
"Looking like a geriatric orangutan dipped in teriyaki sauce and dehydrated under a heat lamp..."
I busted out laughing at this amazing description. He does look like an orangutan in that first pic. LOL.
Don't know about the Sharpie thing? They got married in 1986.
Submitted by Preferred Username on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 8:22am.
Somebody beat me with a stick because I still would! All day!!
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Throw a bin bag to that albinno gorilla face and maybe............
He is a Banana Republican. Enough said. (AKA simpleton)
He looks like a freaking monkey in that pic! His face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:14pm.
justincase & TexnDoc -- OMG, Jackie O. banged William Holden? I shouldn't hate, but Jackie was about the most sexless person who ever lived, and William Holden was a really hot piece back in the day. Anyone ever see him in "Picnic"? Dude was smokin' hot!!!
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Twat, ITA!!
Damn, William Holden was smoking fucking hot. I so would even when he got to be an old drunk. He never fought the hot and never lost it either.
Somebody beat me with a stick because I still would! All day!!
Submitted by cuntwhore on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:27pm.
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt."
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*dies*
Thanks, cw. I've got my new siggie XD
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
My jaw dropped on this one. Can't quite believe he's being that douche when they have kids involved. I should believe- I always thought he was total twat but still... just gobsmacked.
there's really not much more to say about this orangutan that time, aggressive ego-mongering and karma hasn't written across his leathery face.
the only good news I can come up with is he'll be pathetic as Hef in 20 years AND have kids who hate him.
still side eyeing Maria though.
I guess if he only did the smart thing, he wouldn't be in this mess. I had a celebratory t-shirt printed up after my divorce. The important thing is to wear it AFTER the divorce is final.
Ahnold lost a lot of respect. Folks can understand adultery, but ho was so uuuuuugly...
dick
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.
and....Do you think he could have fathered the orangutan in 'Every Which Way But Loose' with Eastwood? It's not a stretch. Have you seen the maid??
Hope Maria and the kids bankrupt him. Pure justice would be if HE had to clean some toilets just to eat.
He and Julia "I Have Your Husband Now" Roberts must shop at the same Hot Topic.
What an unbelievably trashy thing to do your wife and children. The thing that gets me is that there will still be Hollywood/ET types who will lick his ass, despite the innumerable examples of bad character and poor judgement. I still can't believe California elected him.
really don't see why anyone would with this.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Call me tactless but I find this hilare. Furthermore, fuck the Kennedys.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
what a fuckin asshole.. i hope he drops dead
xoxox
The war isn't working.
I'm sorry but I laughed.
see...it's shit like this that makes some crazy woman cut off peens and throw them down the garbage disposal...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
Weren't they married in the eighties and not in 1997?
I got married in 1989 (stil am) and I think they tied the knot before I did.
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 2:46am.
He only wore this one because his "Frankie Goes to Hollywood" tee was in the wash (there's been a laundry back up ever since he fired the maid).
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Hahahaha! He took "RELAX! Just do it" too literally.
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Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)
He only wore this one because his "Frankie Goes to Hollywood" tee was in the wash (there's been a laundry back up ever since he fired the maid).
Submitted by LaChaylo on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:16pm.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:08pm.
Submitted by zomay on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:00pm.
He smells of Bengay, extenze pills and GNC Protein powder.
LOL. And, apparently, Fabulosa.
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The lavender-scented one. That shit's bad ass.
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Yes, as well as the lavender-scented Swivel wipes.
This is classic Mercury retrograde fuckery but I'm pretty sure t-shirts with words on them are 99% of the time a bad idea.
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 2:17am.
From the back at least, carefully-closeted homosexual Arnold still looks hot!
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I don't know about the "carefully-closeted" part, although I like the alliteration.
From the back at least, carefully-closeted homosexual Arnold still looks hot!
Submitted by sonne on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:07am.
What an asshole!
this sums it all up
What an asshole!
@Mustang Sally -
Calm down, it was all just a rumor apparently:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2011/08/08/abc-blast-jackie-o-tapes-...
.
His blepharoplasty/eye surgery.. & facelift(?) has never been so obvious.
MK should put a young Arnold/old Arnold side-by-side shot in here.
.
Now I secretly wish he would clutch his chest and die from a steroid-related heart attack. Well, I guess it's not a secret anymore and I don't really wish death on anybody but he kinda deserves it.
@Frank - shh, don't worry it's late and we won't tell anyone. (Now if this actually happens to Das Sperminatah tomorrow, will you suffer unduly from guilt?)
Never liked him - obvious tool - and could never see why she married him.
Then again, she didn't consult me about it! ;)
Submitted by Frank N. Beans on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 11:04pm.
"Now I secretly wish he would clutch his chest and die from a steroid-related heart attack."
Love the fact that you have a scenario.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 11:03pm.
You might die from chemical poisening, but you'd be doing your sisters everywhere a huge favor.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
I used to be a big fan of this meathead. I even met and spoke with him before he was governator.
Now I secretly wish he would clutch his chest and die from a steroid-related heart attack. Well, I guess it's not a secret anymore and I don't really wish death on anybody but he kinda deserves it.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:48pm.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:44pm.
I stand corrected, Becky. But while you're out smacking Peaches' boyfriend, can you save a little for Arnie?
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Mah smackin' hand is primed and ready!
Will the fake orange tan wash off? I don't want to go out in public with an Oompa Loompa palm. :(
He's giving HER shit?! What a clueless dumbass.
He's the one who banged anything with 2 legs & a slit crotch. Pig.
.
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Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:44pm.
I stand corrected, Becky. But while you're out smacking Peaches' boyfriend, can you save a little for Arnie?
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:41pm.
"For working in politics one generally has to have a sense of discretion,"
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He's been very discreet - can you name any of the other maids he's impregnated?
@Twat Muffin
I couldn't care less about Arnold and Maria, but William Holden and that stick creature, Jackie?!! Talk about ruining my day - thanks for bringing that to my attention TexnDoc (sarcasm intended).
Oh, Bill, what were you thinking?
Yeah, he was hotter than hot in 'Picnic' and a terrific actor. Jackie? Ewwwww. The thought of those two banging (Is this our new word, thanks to Fishsticks?) is enough to make me have a few drinks, to try to erase the picture from my mind.
(No, I'm not your mother.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY
For working in politics one generally has to have a sense of discretion, as well as decorum and etiquettes. How on earth did this missing link make it as far as he did, famous in-laws or not?
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
He's gotta work out again: he's a newly single guy on the prowl. He's still got money and a couple of restos, but far from a Hollywood player anymore.
How about "I survived the AIDS epidemic" the way he was sexing with no condoms.
okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt.
They explain it on TMZ that what is written is 1977, the year they started dating.
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Damn! Nice hooker shoes, baby. Can you dance in those things?
Daddy Spears
Submitted by LaChaylo on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:16pm.
The lavender-scented one. That shit's bad ass.
hahahaha. Tis.