An Open Letter To Selena Gomez

May 27, 2011 / Posted by:

Dear Selena Gomez,

When Chris Hansen asked you to have a seat over there, he didn't mean on Justin Bieber's 17-year-old crotch.

Sincerely yours,

P.S. – Thanks to you, everybody who looks at these pictures is going to jail now. Thank you. You’re single-handedly responsible for overcrowded prisons. You, sucia pedo puta, you. Good going.

P.P.S. – When you’re singing Baby Bieber a goodnight lullaby in his bassinet tonight, please let him know through song that the organizers of the National Weight Lifting Competition are impressed that his parakeet arms were able to lift your NOT RIGHT ass in the water. They’d like him to compete in their toddler division this year.

P.P.P.S – A covered playpen: get one next time.

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