Alec Baldwin Has A Little Advice For Charlie Sheen

In a piece for the Huffington Post, Alec Baldwin writes about how he was basically shanked in the back and thrown out of the Jack Ryan movies by a beady-eyed, insecure studio executive who wanted to put a bigger box office star (see: Ben Affleck) in the role. Because of this experience, Alec has taken Charlie Sheen into the back room, sat him on a plastic crate and given him a “Trust me, I Know” speech. Basically, Alec is spitting a whole lot of realness into Charlie’s face. Alec’s advice to Charlie is to drop the lawsuit and lick on some troll nuts to get his job back. Take it, Alec:

You can’t win. Really. You can’t. When executives at studios and networks move up to the highest ranks, they are given a book. The book is called How to Handle Actors. And one principle held dear in that book is that no actor is greater than the show itself when the show is a hit. And, in that regard, they are often right. Add to that the fact that the actor who is torturing their diseased egos is a drug-addled, porn star-squiring, near-Joycean Internet ranter, and they really want you to go.

Granted, it didn’t get real until you insulted them. And your suit may have real grounds.

But you know what you should do? Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B’Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you. (Do you secretly want to get snuffed? So you can go back and make movies?)

Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it’s not too late. This is America. You want to really piss off Chuck and Warner Brothers and CBS? Beg for America’s forgiveness. They will give it to you. And then go back. You are a great television star. And you’ve got the gig. As I learned from closely observing Tony Bennett so I could impersonate him on SNL, this is supposed to be fun.

P.S…. buy Cryer a really nice car.

Alec makes a good point. The point being: Charlie needs to take a fucking shower. Preferably, a shower deep inside the nearest mental hospital, but we’ll take what we can get. The thing is, Charlie is insane for ruining a gig that pays $1.2 million an episode. Who the hell ruins that shit? You have to be on the edge of NUTS to screw with your own money.

Charlie’s ego is viciously humping on his crazy gene, and until someone turns the hose on those two, bitch is never going to take Alec’s advice.