Beware Of Charlie Sheen’s Fire Breathing Fists

A quick second after CBS announced that they are turning off Two and a Half Men’s lights for the rest of the season, Charlie Sheen used his all-powerful mind to control the keys on his CrackBerry and type out a crazy open letter to his loyal fans (aka his dealers and paid porn star pieces).

Charlie directed most of his rage at the show’s creator Chuck Lorre (who should really stay away from octagons for a while). This mess sounds like one of Baron Harkonnen’s monologues from Dune. From TMZ:

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

Charlie Sheen

John Travolta’s interest peaked at the whole “fire breathing fists” thing.

Charlie also told Radar that he’s taking his octagon and fire breathing fists to HBO and he’s close to signing a 10-episode deal for a new show. I’m hoping that Charlie used the Lucida Crazy Ass Bitch font when writing to Radar and his message got lost in translation. Hopefully, Charlie really meant that he’s in talks to star in 10 episodes of Intervention, because coked out craziness like this was made for reality TV. Or for the Gaddafi biopic.